How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!

There is an old sports saying that is often wheeled out from time to time, "the table never lies". The premise being that at the end of any season, the champions are the best team and the last place is reserved for the worst. Now, of course, in the myopic world of the football fan, the table often lies - quite blatantly especially when through some horrid twist of fate the season ends up tragically wrong. This happened to my own team, when Leeds Utd (like thieves climbing through your house window late at night while you are nursing a sick relative in hospital) stole the league championship. Still, I suppose considering the present circumstances I shouldn't bleat too much...

Ahh, but I digress. Last season Watford, Charlton and Sheffield United were relegated from the English Premiership, they finished in the bottom three and were pitiful to watch at times. Justice done then? Well, here is the snag, another team should have been relegated (actually, if my opinion counts for anything - right out of the entire football league!) for not just breaking league rules, but smashing them with a sledgehammer. They club cheated, they lied and through their deliberate deceit they are about to gulp the new sugary sweet TV deal at a mere £50m a season. The official Inquiry revealed that key members of the West Ham board willingly and purposely concealed and misled the Premier League. You don't need a law degree to conclude that is bollocks.

The much heralded "best league in the world" English Premiership has once again shown to be stupid and what is more they don't give a damn. Clubs are being bought up left and right by persons whose accumulation of their vast fortunes are somewhat questionable. Or, and I still can't work this one out, being 'bought' by American tycoons who don't actually pay any money from their vast pockets. Clubs are being straddled with debts that are ludicrous.

One of the goals of the Premier League when it began in 1992 (oh and by the way, football did exist before then, though Sky TV like to pretend that it isn't the case) the league would be structured to help the England national team...yeh that REALLY worked! The game is actually struggling, crowds are down as fans have been priced out, the number of English players in the top league has dwindled to such an extent, if this was rainfall in summer severe drought warnings would be in effect.

But back to the matter in hand. The Premier League has accepted that lying, cheating and in pilfering is fine - as long as you say that you are sorry, very sorry and you promise to cross your heart and hope to die that it will never happen again. No PlayStation for a week and reduction of your pocket money and let that be a lesson to you!

"I cannot accept, your canon that
we are to judge pope and king unlike other men,
with a favorable presumption that they do no wrong.
If there is any presumption, it is the other way against holders of power ...
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. "

Lord Acton

Top Quote: Samuel Adams

Newton's 3rd Law & Cup Defeats

I failed GCSE Physics. Well, that is not entirely accurate - I actually managed to gain a Grade 'D', which thanks to the re-branding of English examinations meant that two years of turning up twice weekly, which resulted in a piece of paper congratulating me on my success. To be able to come back in the 6th form and study for 3 'A' Levels I, and every other English & Welsh student, needed to gain 5 'C' or above results. Now, it is not without foundation that a suggestion could be proposed that if 'C' is the entry level, then everything else below that mark, is well, really a fail*. But that is the Tory party education reforms for you.

My physics teacher was a vain tosser by the name of Mr Thomas, who when not attempting to hide is ever increasing baldness by sleeking his remaining hair back with 2 tubs of Brylcreem, liked to show of his physical prowess by various demonstrations that allowed him to flex his biceps.

Now all teachers have nicknames, almost always attached through humour and divided between kindly monikers and those with more devilish origins. Mr Thomas was known by Fast Eddie. This allegedly had something to do with his nom de guerre, as a moonlighting central heating installation man. Not sure how much truth was in the story, but he was called Eddie, or for those seemingly closer female teaching assistants - "Ed".

Now I suppose this next analysis stems more from biology than physics (at my school, my 2nd year tutor was a cyclopian battle-axe, whose glass eye used to rattle in the socket when she was angry or excited. My tutor - M4, never did verify the latter) the chicken or the egg conundrum; was my 'failure' in physics due to my total lack of interest, nay ability in the subject? Or was it rooted in the baffling, and indeed perturbing actions of glorified plumber?

In truth physics, apart from the obvious stuff like universal gravity and the 3 Laws of Motion, has impacted on my consciousness not one iota since 1991. That is, except for old Sir Issac. He seemed a rather jolly old intellectual fellow, and his 3rd Law is what came to me on the journey home from Senogawa Park on Sunday afternoon following a truly horrific performance by DEH.

Last season DEH was crap. I am sure other just as suitable words could be used, bollocks is another fine one, but crap really does accurately portray and define our season. Didn't win a single league game, managed only 1pt and forfeited 2 games through lack of players. We finished plum last place and Division C beckoned. This is where a cruel twist of fate intervened and spared us from plying our craft with lesser (=easier) teams. The Lord and Master of the Hiroshima Sunday League (and also our tight-fisted patron) fiddled the tables like a politicians' fuel allowance and thus we remained in Division B.

Our first game of the season (see previous report) was a beauty, a thumping 4-0 romp. So, it was with some degree of confidence that we looked forward to the next game, a cup match against a team struggling in a division 3 below ourselves. A grass pitch and inclement weather too, ahh at last the Gods were smiling upon us and a rematch with the dastardly Brazilians was looming large than a hippo charging towards you. There was just one small, tiny problem...we played like a bunch of twats and lost 1-0.

Everything we did right last time, we completely screwed up this time. Our passing game was non-existent and our midfield and defence seemed to be involved in a competition to see who could give the ball away the most (which the midfield won hands down). It was a depressing, energy sapping loss that really never ever should have happened. What the FFFFF awaits us in our next performance, the devil only knows. But I ponder on this thought, if as Newton declared;

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

Our first game was brilliant, our second awful, then our 3rd game must surely be a triumph! It is the laws of physics after all.

Dan, wearing...I really don't know!

Josh, the debutant, is in the foreground. Hurley is to his left and Dan's stocking-less leg to the right!

*Written in small letters as to not offend any PC loving educationalists out there! You can't have 'Passes' at only 30%!

**We did in fact have a new gaijin player make his debut on Sunday - Josh an actual current DEH teacher no less! Who came on for the 2nd half. He is most welcome to swell the old foreigner's ranks.

What A Difference A Grass Pitch Makes

If seasons could be books, then last year's was an enactment of Volatire's Candide, despite continued disasters and defeats there was always the optimistic prospect of the next game in which fortunes would be turned for the better. Like Voltaire's protagonist not much did go right for DEH last season, a single point and a quarter-finals appearance were the brief highlights of desperate year.

A new season always brings out the optimist amongst us, last year's failings forgotten and hope springing that this year will be alright. The team's first sign that things might be different was the scheduling, which allocated the match be played on a grass pitch, indeed the very same park where our only moment of glory came last year. For the 3 Englishmen in the team the thought of playing on grass wells the belief and girded the loins. So it proved as DEH romped home with 4 second half goals against AC Telan.

The 1st half was a great way to kick off the new season, lost of action, plenty of meaty tackles, shots, saves, misses and an overall high level of play. AC Telan shaded possession, but the bulk of the chances fell to DEH. We should have gone in a goal up as the team's attacking style merited a lead. Thankfully for Jaime the long ball hoof of last season was replaced with a quick pass and move style that resulted in him actually getting the ball in dangerous areas for once.

The weather was hot and sapping and half-time came as a welcome rest bite to rest some weary (and old) legs. David was quite happy to continue as sub and was quite firm in his belief that his contribution should be kept on the leash to be let loose in the last 15 minutes.

The 2nd half started in the best way for DEH, within the first 5 minutes a finely worked goal from a scintillating pass on the half-volley from Jaime arrowed into the 5-yard box to be smashed in to roof by our new 19 year old player. Indeed it was his day, he scored another goal, his presence created an own goal for third and a beautiful through ball was finished off for the 4th.

David did indeed come on for Jaime who was knackered having run around a bit more than usual and anyway if one forward was to go off the one with the teenage legs shouldn't have been the one to leave. Dave playing striker, (he really is turning into Mr Versatile - the John O'Shea of the DEH team) and twice nearly scored. Dan again had one of his imposing games in the centre of defence and the new skipper not only started the season with a win (and so doubling our entire points tally of last season) but also a clean sheet.

All in all a rather good start.

Dan, David and Jaime then headed off the Hiroshima International Airport (even though it no longer flies outside of Japan) for a few beers and a late lunch as well as a bit of plane spotting as Dan especially become quite excited by the arrival of the Pokemon Express Charter Flight. He claimed he wanted a picture for his lad, but....

Hurley & I Achieve...Lots of Frustration!

Date: 27th March 2007
Place: Forest Hills Golf & Resort
Weather: Heavy Rain / Wind
Conditions: Dry fairways / Wet greens
Shot of the Day: Jaime's 2nd to the 9th, 8i middle of green with the pressure of clubhouse diners watching on!

Our confidence was high after a good practice the night before, Jaime breaking in his new hybrid club (Nike Slingshot, 20 degree 3w) with great success and Dave's swing evolving with more consistency and distance. Unfortunately all the positives from the night before evaporated on the 1st tee! Jaime smashing his ball through a mini forest to the right and Dave topping his drive about 60 yards...Not a promising beginning.

Indeed the whole outward 9 was painful, seemingly endless duff shots, wrong club selection, green mis-reads as well as some serious trekking through the lovely Hiroshima countryside staring hopefully at the foliage for a small white pimpled object. The worst shot of the day (and there was plenty to choose from!) was recorded on the 6th hole by Jaime who hit the tee shot so far left in was close to landing on the neighbouring Hiroshima International Airport. Only to be being saved from going to airport to ask for his ball back by the border fence. Air traffic control must have been very worried if they had been following our round!

Dave's hopes of avoiding a double figure was also dashed, with a horrendous score on the 6th, but at least he was on the fairway during the hole, unlike Jaime who incredibly rescued a bogie despite not once being on grass less than ankle high. (You are in the rough, you know you should play safe, but hey what the hell right? A curse word and an almighty whack will serve just as good...until you land in the rough again! But hey, you are in the rough, so....)

We trooped in for the luncheon break downhearted and wet from the heavens that had poured on us for most of the morning. Trying to forget the scorecard we both indulged in a delicious lunch. One of the true enjoyments of playing golf in Japan, is the without exception excellent food offered in the clubhouses. (The other 2 being the beer machines/food huts & the bath house after the round) They really set you up for the afternoon play.

With rounder mid-drifts we set out for the afternoon 9 and even though the weather continued to be foul, the scorecard observed a slight improvement, with Jaime at least edging nearer the birdie end than the bogie one. Dave again just failed to achieve is perfect single figure score, but the weather was a distinct handicap. By the last few holes the wind had really got going and with the rain as further hindrance, not too much should be dwelt on the final score. In the end both Dave's and my scorecard wasn't as bad as it looked at the halfway point and the weather did play its part.

Dave could take pleasure from his continued increase in length from the tee, breaking his own yardage distance with a 176 yard drive. Jaime too gained some distance as was getting the ball 250+ by the outward 9. At one hole, according to the computer Dave hit 228 yards and Jaime 331 - so we assumed it was having a momentary loss of control due to the extraordinary dreariness of some of our play. If indeed our little monitor was correct I would have landed right bang on the green from the tee...if only wishing made it so!

Golf Photos

Unpredictable Greens - Missing a birdie on the 10th by running out of juice

On the same green Dave's ball slid 2 feet past...Notice the plane flying overhead

The Scoop & Scrap Method - Dave's unusual way of playing a bunker shot...

Confusingly brown fairways - despite the rain & cold!

Things of real beauty - The traditional Japanese Mid-9 holes Beer Hut! (and loos)
__________________

An Applicable Golf Quote:

"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness"

__________________

William Wordsworth

Golf: Hurley Sets new P.B.

Date: 21st March, 2007
Place: Tokuyama Country Club Yamaguchi, Japan
Weather: Cold / Sunny
Conditions: Firm
Shot of the Day: Hurley's 7i approcah to the 17th to set up his par.

Noda, Hurley and myself had our first hits of the new golfing year at the attractive, if unforgiving Tokuyamma Country Club yesterday. Let us say there were no surprises in the final standings, yet the day's prize went to Hurley who has much improved his game since his last hit. Indeed, some of his approach play while certainly novel was outstandingly precise. The 17th being his highlight culminating in a 1-put for par that had the old fists pumping. His final tally breaking his previous lowest score by 7 shots!

Noda started sluggishly and was very annoyed with his out 9 score, the only highlight being a par on the tricky (and deceptively long) short 7th. However, after a refueling lunch, he burst out onto the course like a luge down a track. He ended with a lopsided scorecard of 4 pars and birdie in the inward 9.

For me, it was one of those rounds that you just want to forget very quickly. At one point, so bad was my confidence and swing that I was contemplating putting from the tee box – it surely would have moved the ball further! In addition I have developed a mental block with any short holes, doesn’t matter what the lay out, I will find the worst spot to plant my ball…The only small consolation was my putting saved me from a truly hideous scorecard. Without the touch on the green my score could have broken totals not posted since England were as bad as we are now (yes I know there are many, many periods to choose from, but I am referring to the 1988 European Championships, for those who can recall such torture…).

And now for some photos!

Noda & Hurley's legs aren't as young as they used to be! Using the escalator on the 2nd.

The 18th from the Tee

The cool little Electric Golf buggy that kept me amused during a painful round...

Hurley on the 16th. Notice the background! Just in case he shanks his ball...

Some End of Year Mahjong Photos (2006)

After a somewhat Grand Tour of Wales*, Mahjong I ended with Noda being installed as Yokozuna and Hurley having his chonmage shorn. Here are some end of the year photos of the prize giving....

Noda: "The Bull"

Dave: "The Duck"

*Mountains & Valleys = Highs & lows

DEH FC SEASON - 2006 - 2007 REVIEW

We played 9, lost 9 and got relegated.

Some Golf Photos

In 2006 I was fortunate to play golf in several different countries (and yes England is different from Scotland!) and I was just trying to place the courses in some kind of "Jaime Ranking". Before I reveal the results, here are some photos from some of those courses - notice the slight difference in weather conditions!

"2 Swedes & Yorkshireman feel the warm coastal breeze, NE England, Winter, Freezing - Dunstanburgh Links Course

T Woods (Tim) trying a rescue on the par 3 13th. You got to hit over the North Sea...

Perfect for Swimming! View from the 13th

My Very helpful Caddy who had more belief in me than I did! Phuket

The Excellent Grand Canyon Course and the Blue Lagoon C.C, Phuket

Forest Hills G.C, Hiroshima - View from the 14th

Forest Hills, Me taking a swing on the 10th

Warkworth G.C, Northumberland England

The very short, very tricky, always windy Warkworth G.C

Mount Oswald G.C. 8th Hole - Winter fairway green - almost an eagle! (due to the somewhat uneven playing surface a lucky par..)

Flynn's first taste of golf - he was quite good!

Obvious...
_________________________________________________________

My Favourites

1.St Andrews R&A

The Most Historic, The Most Popular, The Greatest and it's very best feature - it's a public course.

2.Close House G.C, Newcastle

The Cheapest Course I have ever played (about 130 times) Henrik & Tim know to what I refer to...

3. Alnwick Golf Course Northumberland

Long and almost always soaking wet, but incorporating some of the most beautiful scenery and odd bits of history to be found on any course. Also, I once birdied the massive uphill Par 5...

4. Misawa Setouchi Golf Resort, Hiroshima

Simply a stunning course. Very long, but on a hot summer day the ball can carry on and on and on. Also the beer huts, Club house and bath house are incredibly welcoming...

5. Boldon Golf Course, County Durham

A nice compact course that has some challenging holes. Also the only course in which I have had to carry the ball over a cemetery! Lots of variation and natural obstacles to overcome. Some surprisingly difficult short Par 3's.

6. Mount Oswald Mannor G.C, County Durham

A course that is beautiful in summer, but a real pain in winter. Cheap and very relaxed atmosphere for 18 holes. The 18th is a wonderful last hole, with the old manor house behind it and surrounded by trees.

7. Forest Hills Golf & Resort, Hiroshima

Another long and beautiful course - similar to Setouchi, but a bit flatter and less troublesome water! The golf buggies with the computerized ball yardage is a nice touch.

8. Newbury & Crookham G.C, Berkshire

My first regular golf course! A stickler for rules and dress code - no cycling caps allowed on this course. Members can be somewhat stuffy to younger players, but the course is great with lots of everything - water, trees, rough and animals! The long par 5 18th can add a cruel addition to a good score.

The Noda Wait

The Noda Wait

When I first started playing mahjong in 2000 I cobbled together a strategy of how to simply the winning process. The pretence was that if you were only waiting for 1 tile, then there could be no confusion over what was required. It was also a nice way to confuse the other players and more importantly it seemed to work much more than the percentage would account for.

There were also two more decisive reasons behind this 1 tile strategy; alcohol and football. This was due to many games being played at Allan’s old apartment on a late Saturday night / early Sunday morning. We used to congregate there to watch Manchester United win the English Premiership and to play mahjong. Of course the football would lead to many distractions, (there were other such as feline women, but that is another story) and so the knock on affect was quite a few chombos. By reducing the number of tiles one was waiting for, it allowed one to concentrate on the football, the beer and stories of loose women handing out refunds. It also generated a name for this strategy, “The Jaime Wait”. I quite liked it.

Sadly “The Jaime Wait” is no more, it has become the “The Noda Wait” in honour of Noda san who has now adopted the theory that he once sneered at with incredulity. Yet on Friday night, he went for this form of victory five times in succession and nine times in total. I went for it once (and got it).

In all Friday night was a sedate one, with only three players, Ray having emerged from his countryside hideaway like a 1970s Bond villain (anyone spring to mind?) to compete with Noda and Jaime. In total only 4 games were played, but each game averaged an hour and a quarter and so we finished just past the witching hour.

Noda continued to bemoan “his end of year luck” and finished bottom of the pile on a deficit of -38. Ray also finished the night down, but only on a paltry -25, whilst Jaime emerged with a handy +63 victory to edge him closer to the -200s.

Noda flirted with empty tray in a couple of hands and Ray had one of his “Last Oya Charges”, but it was remarkable how even the night was for most of the play. There was one Yakuman hand for Noda whilst Jaime was oya, but that aside most of the victorious hands were in the mangan / haneman vicinity.

Ray came close with some potentially huge hands whilst oya in the 2nd game, but crafty play from Jaime (blind luck & a few hunches!) averted some Titanic size holes in his tenbo pile.

The evening finished as below and Ray potentially finishes the year 1pt behind Tim in the Grand Points Table, but as some games will be played over the festive period, you never know what might happen….

Jaime +23 +38 -24 +26 = +63
Ray -14 -2 -9 0 = -25

Noda -9 -36 +33 -26 = -38

A Copy of this post can be read at its more rightful home of Hurley's MJ blog.

More Golf at Forest Hills...