Same Ol' Same 'Ol

England football fans have got the national team they deserve. This is 2007, for those of you who are unsure about the fine detail, that means it is the 21st Century. So, why for the love of everything, do English supporters feel the “patriotic” need to boo and jeer other countries national anthems? It is not childish, a bit of a laugh or amusing. It is puerile, disgusting and pre-mediated stupidity that confirms all the worst stereotypes of English thuggishness that has become the accepted norm in Europe. Grow up and learn some respect. It is a far superior anthem for a start, one that doesn’t preclude atheists and republicans from being patriotic.

As for the team itself, well what do we expect? England have been in serial decline, well since the game was codified in the 19th Century. One brief moment of glory and a couple of near misses. England doesn’t produce players that are intelligent enough to understand how to interpret an essential change of tactics. Nor, do we employ coaches who are talented and able to implement a bit of tactical ability. 1966 was 41 years ago, it is entering in the mists of time that World War II has started to be clouded by.

Wembley Staduim is the great monument to the folly, myopia and greed that is the F.A. A place that is starting to look like the (vastly overpriced) gravestone of the English game. England have a coach whose path of failure was unanimously predicted from the start. (That is 3 wins in 9) Players whose inflated self-worth equates to an extra 5 grand a week being an insult. Administrators who have zero real football experience (being TV sport editors and club chairman don’t count) and so on and so on and so on.

There is a an Oscar Wilde quote with origins far earlier, that best sums up the English Premier League; “When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers”. That is the Premier League.

The F.A. wanted to revolutionise the English game, modernise it, propel it to glory. The fans were seduced, a whole new ball game rang Sky TV. Great new stadia, expensive foreign imports, it was going to be the sporting equation of Harrods.

Guess what? They were spot on about the Harrods connection. What did happen? Foreign owners came in and the prices went through the roof and the quality improved a bit.

As for the English game you ask? Well, not much good happened there. 2 champions league winners from 16. 0 national wins from a possible 7. Clubs like Arsenal, Chelsea and Bolton fielding whole teams without a single English born player.

How many English players were signed by the 'Big 4' in the close season?
Manchester United: 1 Owen Hargreaves, born in Canada trained in Munich
Chelsea: 1 Steve Sidwell, free transfer from Reading, not a starter.
Liverpool: 0
Arsenal: 0 (Well surprise, surprise)

Nothing will change because the fans seem happy to trundle along to a stadium in the wrong place, with a team that doesn’t know how to play, a coach who isn’t good enough, an administration that isn’t qualified and fans who don’t seem to mind.

A Very Very Long 2nd Half

A classic. 3-2 down and the long second half just about to finally be ended by the whistle perched in the referee's lips. Looking at his watch, counting the reaming seconds between FCディナモ and a moral inspiring first win. The heat and humidity were sapping, the floodlights dimming, the game ending and then....and then little Yasu DEH's midfield maestro hurtled down the left wing outpacing a couple of defenders, and cracked a sumptuous left food shot from the corner of the box that smacked past the keeper at his near post. Parity. Oh what joy for DEH in a game that at half time looked ominously like being 'another one of those games'.

The game was played at Hatsukaichi Soccer Park on astro turf and under floodlights. All three being new to both David and Jaime (the only gainjin playing) and DEH FC. We arrived early to make sure we arrived on time, and after abandoning a potentially dangerous short cut, arrived by taxi with an hour to spare. A highly entertaining match was in place and we enjoyed watching the 2nd half whilst hoping that the rest of team would turn up with substitutes to spare, as it was still mightily humid and Jaime had played golf earlier in the day.

After a small fright, DEH indeed would indeed play with 3 substitutes, both Jaime and David volunteering to sit out the 1st half to offer piercing tactical observations to the team's play. It didn't really work. As half time approached DEH was 2 down and looking somewhat forlorn. They trudged off and after a bit of obvious comments on how to improve the second half (i.e defend better) Jaime and David were ready to enter the fray.

The first thing to remark was it was bloody hot. Dry blue shirts were soon darkened by the outpouring of sweat. The second difference was the team had a bit more "umphf" thanks, one has to conclude, to the more aggressive style of the English contingent.

The 2nd half began at pace and didn't let up, DEH knew an early goal would give them a real boost. After a couple of useful attacks, the ball broke loose in midfield, before ending up at Jaime's feet. He looked up at the keeper and despite being closed down lofted a perfect 35 yard chip over the flailing keeper and in the net. Game on.

The equaliser came soon after, but not before a missed penalty by Yousuke. As he had been felled in the box, Jaime the usual taker, inquired what Yousuke wanted... Unfortunately Yousuke's shot brushed the outside of the left post. Yet DEH was not despondent for long as a beautiful low fizzing cross was turned in by Hide. Joy....

...Followed by immediate despair. From the restart FCディナモ went and won a free kick which was dispatched beautifully past the DEH keeper. The team strove and the FCディナモ goal was repelling wave after wave of DEH attack. Jaime hit the post from a side-footed ride foot shot outside the box, the keeper scrambled a couple of last gasp saves (once a bit illegally) and it seemed that fortune would be heartless creature. Then, just when the half was 50mins old and finally seemed to be over, up ran Yasu and a wonderful rapturous scream of triumph reverberated around the empty stands.




David, observe the sweat drenched shirt...

Jaime looking rather pleased under the lights

For Eri, The Cock-Eyed Mahjong Queen

Death: A Poem

Nor dread nor hope attend
A dying animal;
A woman awaits her end
Dreading and hoping all;
Many times she died,
Many times rose again.
A great woman in her pride
Confronting murderous men
Casts derision upon
Suppression of breath;
She knows death to the bone
Woman has created death. *

By William Butler Yeats

On Monday the cock-eyed mahjong players received the very sad news that Eri had succumbed to cancer she had fought valiantly for over a year. The last time she came to mahjong was at the Christmas Prize giving and she looked well. Alas it was not to last.

*I hope that I might be allowed some license with regards the small alterations with the wording of the poem above.

“Winning at mahjong is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”

American football is by the large a mystery to me, mostly the team names are what I can remember on a good day, but even then the frequent relocation of teams to different cities can make even that simplistic detail erroneous. So it wouldn't be my favoured topic on Mastermind.

Like most British kids who spent their younger school years in the 80’s my first interaction with American football, or Grid Iron as it was labelled, was through Channel 4’s coverage. Overnight, kids would come to school and announce they would support “the Dolphins...Giants...the Raiders...”.

For a while, seemingly a couple of years Grid Iron was popular in a sort of lets-play-something-different-at-lunchtime-instead of sockball*... I can only really remember 2 lunchtimes, and it even then the games really turned into touch rugby as we had no idea what the rules were.

So, American Football has not made much impact on my sporting life, except for one coach in particular – unsurprisingly it is Vince Lombardi. Lombardi’s name has been attached to many memorable quotes, the most famous being “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”. He seems to be credited with being the first “modern” sports coach. Any football coach wanting to sound deep spins out a Lombardi quote, or if trying for more kudos knocks out a quote that he “has just recently read the Lombardi biography...”. So, unable to find a title for this entry, and wanting to sound intellectual in a sporting kind of way, I thought a quick Lombardi quote search would divulge some results. The result is the top of this report.

As for the mahjong, well after a rather sedate beer garden and after losing 2 of the gang for different reasons the remaining 5 retreated back to my domain in Mitaki for mahjong, beer and sleep (Tim).

Three highly enjoyable games were played which threw up only 1 constant – Neil’s departure from Cock-Eyed MJ ended in triumph. As one American ascended, t’other wilted under the pressure and returned to the bottom of the MJ table. One other unexpected result relegated that Celtic Tiger Ray to the red, his seemingly steady climb in the black was abruptly halted.

Amazingly considering the hours of play and the fact that most of us had been imbibing a constant trickle of alcohol since 5:30pm, no chombos or yakitori were committed. There were no big hands either mind you, a few sneaky 1 tile riichi, but hey it makes it far easier to concentrate!

As dawn broke over the Mitaki hills the 3rd game ended and Neil’s 4 day visit back to the land of living had resulted in 13.5 hours of mahjong play and he left for his return visit to Miyazaki with 180 yen burning a hole in his pocket. It was good to see him.

The final reckoning:

Neil +81 +9 +13 = +103
Jaime -23 +38 +58 = +73
Kenyon -32 +9 -26 = -49
Ray -26 -56 -45 = -127

*Sockball was a ruse decreed on high by my middle school headmaster, a large old man who had a likening for smacking small children on their buttocks for any tiny infringement of the school rules. Despite no classrooms being in range of a 10 year old’s shot, all footballs & tennis balls were banned from the playground to protect the school’s windows. So, we used to role up socks and tights into a ball like shape and kick that around. It was great when the weather was dry...but this being England that wasn’t a very likely event during the winter months and sockballs would tend to unravel into a soggy soaking mass. At this point a game of British Bulldog was usually started. Ah happy days. Well except for Hedgehog the headmaster...

Top Quote: Vince Lombardi

How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!

There is an old sports saying that is often wheeled out from time to time, "the table never lies". The premise being that at the end of any season, the champions are the best team and the last place is reserved for the worst. Now, of course, in the myopic world of the football fan, the table often lies - quite blatantly especially when through some horrid twist of fate the season ends up tragically wrong. This happened to my own team, when Leeds Utd (like thieves climbing through your house window late at night while you are nursing a sick relative in hospital) stole the league championship. Still, I suppose considering the present circumstances I shouldn't bleat too much...

Ahh, but I digress. Last season Watford, Charlton and Sheffield United were relegated from the English Premiership, they finished in the bottom three and were pitiful to watch at times. Justice done then? Well, here is the snag, another team should have been relegated (actually, if my opinion counts for anything - right out of the entire football league!) for not just breaking league rules, but smashing them with a sledgehammer. They club cheated, they lied and through their deliberate deceit they are about to gulp the new sugary sweet TV deal at a mere £50m a season. The official Inquiry revealed that key members of the West Ham board willingly and purposely concealed and misled the Premier League. You don't need a law degree to conclude that is bollocks.

The much heralded "best league in the world" English Premiership has once again shown to be stupid and what is more they don't give a damn. Clubs are being bought up left and right by persons whose accumulation of their vast fortunes are somewhat questionable. Or, and I still can't work this one out, being 'bought' by American tycoons who don't actually pay any money from their vast pockets. Clubs are being straddled with debts that are ludicrous.

One of the goals of the Premier League when it began in 1992 (oh and by the way, football did exist before then, though Sky TV like to pretend that it isn't the case) the league would be structured to help the England national team...yeh that REALLY worked! The game is actually struggling, crowds are down as fans have been priced out, the number of English players in the top league has dwindled to such an extent, if this was rainfall in summer severe drought warnings would be in effect.

But back to the matter in hand. The Premier League has accepted that lying, cheating and in pilfering is fine - as long as you say that you are sorry, very sorry and you promise to cross your heart and hope to die that it will never happen again. No PlayStation for a week and reduction of your pocket money and let that be a lesson to you!

"I cannot accept, your canon that
we are to judge pope and king unlike other men,
with a favorable presumption that they do no wrong.
If there is any presumption, it is the other way against holders of power ...
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. "

Lord Acton

Top Quote: Samuel Adams

Newton's 3rd Law & Cup Defeats

I failed GCSE Physics. Well, that is not entirely accurate - I actually managed to gain a Grade 'D', which thanks to the re-branding of English examinations meant that two years of turning up twice weekly, which resulted in a piece of paper congratulating me on my success. To be able to come back in the 6th form and study for 3 'A' Levels I, and every other English & Welsh student, needed to gain 5 'C' or above results. Now, it is not without foundation that a suggestion could be proposed that if 'C' is the entry level, then everything else below that mark, is well, really a fail*. But that is the Tory party education reforms for you.

My physics teacher was a vain tosser by the name of Mr Thomas, who when not attempting to hide is ever increasing baldness by sleeking his remaining hair back with 2 tubs of Brylcreem, liked to show of his physical prowess by various demonstrations that allowed him to flex his biceps.

Now all teachers have nicknames, almost always attached through humour and divided between kindly monikers and those with more devilish origins. Mr Thomas was known by Fast Eddie. This allegedly had something to do with his nom de guerre, as a moonlighting central heating installation man. Not sure how much truth was in the story, but he was called Eddie, or for those seemingly closer female teaching assistants - "Ed".

Now I suppose this next analysis stems more from biology than physics (at my school, my 2nd year tutor was a cyclopian battle-axe, whose glass eye used to rattle in the socket when she was angry or excited. My tutor - M4, never did verify the latter) the chicken or the egg conundrum; was my 'failure' in physics due to my total lack of interest, nay ability in the subject? Or was it rooted in the baffling, and indeed perturbing actions of glorified plumber?

In truth physics, apart from the obvious stuff like universal gravity and the 3 Laws of Motion, has impacted on my consciousness not one iota since 1991. That is, except for old Sir Issac. He seemed a rather jolly old intellectual fellow, and his 3rd Law is what came to me on the journey home from Senogawa Park on Sunday afternoon following a truly horrific performance by DEH.

Last season DEH was crap. I am sure other just as suitable words could be used, bollocks is another fine one, but crap really does accurately portray and define our season. Didn't win a single league game, managed only 1pt and forfeited 2 games through lack of players. We finished plum last place and Division C beckoned. This is where a cruel twist of fate intervened and spared us from plying our craft with lesser (=easier) teams. The Lord and Master of the Hiroshima Sunday League (and also our tight-fisted patron) fiddled the tables like a politicians' fuel allowance and thus we remained in Division B.

Our first game of the season (see previous report) was a beauty, a thumping 4-0 romp. So, it was with some degree of confidence that we looked forward to the next game, a cup match against a team struggling in a division 3 below ourselves. A grass pitch and inclement weather too, ahh at last the Gods were smiling upon us and a rematch with the dastardly Brazilians was looming large than a hippo charging towards you. There was just one small, tiny problem...we played like a bunch of twats and lost 1-0.

Everything we did right last time, we completely screwed up this time. Our passing game was non-existent and our midfield and defence seemed to be involved in a competition to see who could give the ball away the most (which the midfield won hands down). It was a depressing, energy sapping loss that really never ever should have happened. What the FFFFF awaits us in our next performance, the devil only knows. But I ponder on this thought, if as Newton declared;

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

Our first game was brilliant, our second awful, then our 3rd game must surely be a triumph! It is the laws of physics after all.

Dan, wearing...I really don't know!

Josh, the debutant, is in the foreground. Hurley is to his left and Dan's stocking-less leg to the right!

*Written in small letters as to not offend any PC loving educationalists out there! You can't have 'Passes' at only 30%!

**We did in fact have a new gaijin player make his debut on Sunday - Josh an actual current DEH teacher no less! Who came on for the 2nd half. He is most welcome to swell the old foreigner's ranks.

What A Difference A Grass Pitch Makes

If seasons could be books, then last year's was an enactment of Volatire's Candide, despite continued disasters and defeats there was always the optimistic prospect of the next game in which fortunes would be turned for the better. Like Voltaire's protagonist not much did go right for DEH last season, a single point and a quarter-finals appearance were the brief highlights of desperate year.

A new season always brings out the optimist amongst us, last year's failings forgotten and hope springing that this year will be alright. The team's first sign that things might be different was the scheduling, which allocated the match be played on a grass pitch, indeed the very same park where our only moment of glory came last year. For the 3 Englishmen in the team the thought of playing on grass wells the belief and girded the loins. So it proved as DEH romped home with 4 second half goals against AC Telan.

The 1st half was a great way to kick off the new season, lost of action, plenty of meaty tackles, shots, saves, misses and an overall high level of play. AC Telan shaded possession, but the bulk of the chances fell to DEH. We should have gone in a goal up as the team's attacking style merited a lead. Thankfully for Jaime the long ball hoof of last season was replaced with a quick pass and move style that resulted in him actually getting the ball in dangerous areas for once.

The weather was hot and sapping and half-time came as a welcome rest bite to rest some weary (and old) legs. David was quite happy to continue as sub and was quite firm in his belief that his contribution should be kept on the leash to be let loose in the last 15 minutes.

The 2nd half started in the best way for DEH, within the first 5 minutes a finely worked goal from a scintillating pass on the half-volley from Jaime arrowed into the 5-yard box to be smashed in to roof by our new 19 year old player. Indeed it was his day, he scored another goal, his presence created an own goal for third and a beautiful through ball was finished off for the 4th.

David did indeed come on for Jaime who was knackered having run around a bit more than usual and anyway if one forward was to go off the one with the teenage legs shouldn't have been the one to leave. Dave playing striker, (he really is turning into Mr Versatile - the John O'Shea of the DEH team) and twice nearly scored. Dan again had one of his imposing games in the centre of defence and the new skipper not only started the season with a win (and so doubling our entire points tally of last season) but also a clean sheet.

All in all a rather good start.

Dan, David and Jaime then headed off the Hiroshima International Airport (even though it no longer flies outside of Japan) for a few beers and a late lunch as well as a bit of plane spotting as Dan especially become quite excited by the arrival of the Pokemon Express Charter Flight. He claimed he wanted a picture for his lad, but....

Hurley & I Achieve...Lots of Frustration!

Date: 27th March 2007
Place: Forest Hills Golf & Resort
Weather: Heavy Rain / Wind
Conditions: Dry fairways / Wet greens
Shot of the Day: Jaime's 2nd to the 9th, 8i middle of green with the pressure of clubhouse diners watching on!

Our confidence was high after a good practice the night before, Jaime breaking in his new hybrid club (Nike Slingshot, 20 degree 3w) with great success and Dave's swing evolving with more consistency and distance. Unfortunately all the positives from the night before evaporated on the 1st tee! Jaime smashing his ball through a mini forest to the right and Dave topping his drive about 60 yards...Not a promising beginning.

Indeed the whole outward 9 was painful, seemingly endless duff shots, wrong club selection, green mis-reads as well as some serious trekking through the lovely Hiroshima countryside staring hopefully at the foliage for a small white pimpled object. The worst shot of the day (and there was plenty to choose from!) was recorded on the 6th hole by Jaime who hit the tee shot so far left in was close to landing on the neighbouring Hiroshima International Airport. Only to be being saved from going to airport to ask for his ball back by the border fence. Air traffic control must have been very worried if they had been following our round!

Dave's hopes of avoiding a double figure was also dashed, with a horrendous score on the 6th, but at least he was on the fairway during the hole, unlike Jaime who incredibly rescued a bogie despite not once being on grass less than ankle high. (You are in the rough, you know you should play safe, but hey what the hell right? A curse word and an almighty whack will serve just as good...until you land in the rough again! But hey, you are in the rough, so....)

We trooped in for the luncheon break downhearted and wet from the heavens that had poured on us for most of the morning. Trying to forget the scorecard we both indulged in a delicious lunch. One of the true enjoyments of playing golf in Japan, is the without exception excellent food offered in the clubhouses. (The other 2 being the beer machines/food huts & the bath house after the round) They really set you up for the afternoon play.

With rounder mid-drifts we set out for the afternoon 9 and even though the weather continued to be foul, the scorecard observed a slight improvement, with Jaime at least edging nearer the birdie end than the bogie one. Dave again just failed to achieve is perfect single figure score, but the weather was a distinct handicap. By the last few holes the wind had really got going and with the rain as further hindrance, not too much should be dwelt on the final score. In the end both Dave's and my scorecard wasn't as bad as it looked at the halfway point and the weather did play its part.

Dave could take pleasure from his continued increase in length from the tee, breaking his own yardage distance with a 176 yard drive. Jaime too gained some distance as was getting the ball 250+ by the outward 9. At one hole, according to the computer Dave hit 228 yards and Jaime 331 - so we assumed it was having a momentary loss of control due to the extraordinary dreariness of some of our play. If indeed our little monitor was correct I would have landed right bang on the green from the tee...if only wishing made it so!

Golf Photos

Unpredictable Greens - Missing a birdie on the 10th by running out of juice

On the same green Dave's ball slid 2 feet past...Notice the plane flying overhead

The Scoop & Scrap Method - Dave's unusual way of playing a bunker shot...

Confusingly brown fairways - despite the rain & cold!

Things of real beauty - The traditional Japanese Mid-9 holes Beer Hut! (and loos)
__________________

An Applicable Golf Quote:

"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness"

__________________

William Wordsworth

Golf: Hurley Sets new P.B.

Date: 21st March, 2007
Place: Tokuyama Country Club Yamaguchi, Japan
Weather: Cold / Sunny
Conditions: Firm
Shot of the Day: Hurley's 7i approcah to the 17th to set up his par.

Noda, Hurley and myself had our first hits of the new golfing year at the attractive, if unforgiving Tokuyamma Country Club yesterday. Let us say there were no surprises in the final standings, yet the day's prize went to Hurley who has much improved his game since his last hit. Indeed, some of his approach play while certainly novel was outstandingly precise. The 17th being his highlight culminating in a 1-put for par that had the old fists pumping. His final tally breaking his previous lowest score by 7 shots!

Noda started sluggishly and was very annoyed with his out 9 score, the only highlight being a par on the tricky (and deceptively long) short 7th. However, after a refueling lunch, he burst out onto the course like a luge down a track. He ended with a lopsided scorecard of 4 pars and birdie in the inward 9.

For me, it was one of those rounds that you just want to forget very quickly. At one point, so bad was my confidence and swing that I was contemplating putting from the tee box – it surely would have moved the ball further! In addition I have developed a mental block with any short holes, doesn’t matter what the lay out, I will find the worst spot to plant my ball…The only small consolation was my putting saved me from a truly hideous scorecard. Without the touch on the green my score could have broken totals not posted since England were as bad as we are now (yes I know there are many, many periods to choose from, but I am referring to the 1988 European Championships, for those who can recall such torture…).

And now for some photos!

Noda & Hurley's legs aren't as young as they used to be! Using the escalator on the 2nd.

The 18th from the Tee

The cool little Electric Golf buggy that kept me amused during a painful round...

Hurley on the 16th. Notice the background! Just in case he shanks his ball...

Some End of Year Mahjong Photos (2006)

After a somewhat Grand Tour of Wales*, Mahjong I ended with Noda being installed as Yokozuna and Hurley having his chonmage shorn. Here are some end of the year photos of the prize giving....

Noda: "The Bull"

Dave: "The Duck"

*Mountains & Valleys = Highs & lows