Another Fine Mess

Recent season have not been kind to Leeds United, they have almost successfully turned themselves into a footballing equivalent of British Leyland. I suppose I should own up from the beginning and admit that Leeds is not a club for which I have much sympathy with or for. Following the red United from Manchester, having bricks thrown at me whilst trying to gain entry to Elland Road once and having a parent who was a Leeds fanatic, meant their every setback was cheerful footnote to my match day.

Indeed their subsequent relegation from the Premiership in 2004 was the only saving grace from a woeful season for my own United. So their continued spiral towards the outer regions of the English league, economic downturn, farcical boardroom shenanigans and dodgy ownership you would have thought would have been an endless rainbow.

As inevitable relegation form the Championship became a certainty at the back end of last season, their club owner voluntarily placed them in administration, “to save the club” and they were docked 10 points and sent to League One. A strange thing then happened, the other league clubs got the hump with Leeds for their legal, if morally unpalatable, decision to enter administration. Committees were called, men with large stomachs eyed up lunch expenses, eccentric persons with blazers huffed and puffed and Leeds were docked a further 15 points, so they began the current season on -15.

Now I really don’t know the rights and wrongs of the case. I freely admit that I chuckled when the announcement was made, but here is the thing, Leeds then appealed (as was their wont). So what then happened? Yes you perceptive mind has probably nailed the rivet to the steel, nothing happened. Everything was swept under the carpet, hidden on the top shelf and suspended in time until we reach the end of season with 4 games remaining.

Only in what can be described as a lunatic decision; the appeal is just being heard. Let us put a time scale to this, Leeds were docked their points on August 4th 2007, it is now the middle of April 2008. Does it really take that long to successfully conclude an appeal? More worrisome, is that if it does – why? More troubling still, who in the game’s governing body is allowing this to happen?

There is almost a whiff of the West Ham controversy of last season, when without putting too fine a point on it, West Ham were effectively “fined” an award of twenty-five million pounds for lying and cheating.* The spark to that incident also occurred in August and the final hearing for some unexplained reason waited until April before deciding any points penalty would be unfair on their clubs. Thank god these lawyers weren’t at Nuremburg!

Whether Leeds are guilty for infringing on League rules is not really the issue, but delaying the final decision until just before the conclusion of the season is unfair on Leeds and the other clubs in that division. If Leeds is given any of their points back, then the whole nature of the table changes, in some permutations dramatically so. How can that possibly be right or fair? Common sense alone would seem to suggest that it wouldn’t be the case, but then again as we are dealing with football administration perhaps we shouldn’t be too surprised at the shambles that is just around the corner. It is once more a powerful damning of how the game is inadequately run in England.

Leeds’ current plight is somewhat self-inflicted due to their economic ineptitude at the start of the 2000s. They gambled with their futures and it all came horribly unstuck, which led to player fire-sales, relegations and laughter all abound by their rivals. By the end of 2007 season their plight was so perilous they had twice been bought by Ken Bates. Supporters must have thought things could not get any worse!

Yet there must be sympathy with their fans (this really is not a phrase I ever thought I would utter) because they have been tossed around like limp lettuce leaf in salad bowl. As usual when those in power in England involve themselves in the running of the game, the fans are the ones who always suffer. Whatever the results of the appeal are, the decisions should have been made many months before so fans of Leeds and other clubs could get to grips with the outcome long before the season is almost finished. Sadly that would have been too blindingly obvious and easy for English football to understand.

*West Ham were fined five million pounds for their contravening of Premier League rules. Yet because they stayed in the division they are annually awarded thirty million pounds as a basic sum from television revenue. When adding higher income rates from sponsorship, no wonder West Ham thought they had got a result. The only fair outcome would have been to have had points deducted, but then "blindingly obvious" is nothing but an oxymoron to the Premier League.

The Season is Over!

This new modern technology is indeed a mysterious wonder. Our final game of the season has been played...even though the kick of date was scheduled for May 5th, or next month. Apparently a thrilling 0-0 draw did not truly reflect the game that was brimming with off-side goals, red cards, missed penalties, nubile cheerleaders and even a streaker. What a way to sign off the season that ended with DEH FC finishing in a respectable 8th position, a huge improvement on last season in both points and performances. Our final season's tale of the tape is as follows:

2007-08

1: 茶・茶 10 8 0 2 38 10 24

8: DEH FC 10 2 4 4 13 15 10
11: FC Dynamo 10 1 8 1 13 47 4

*Really 8 as we had two phantom 0-0 draws....

All-English Final - Sweet F.A

Yesterday was the first night of the quarter-finals of the European Cup, or as it is now rebranded the Champions League. Even though, the old name seems to encapsulate the reality of the participants better than the new one. However that is a different path and the purpose of this posting is once more to hammer on the bolted door of the F.A.’s insane reasoning. Last night 3 English teams played, and can you guess how many players participated? Go on, it’s easy take 60 (4x15 names on the team sheet) and then subtract 8 because that is the sum total of English involvement, eight from sixty! Further add on the number of English coaches involved in this years’ competition - zero, and no wonder we didn’t qualify for Euro 2008.

There were seven Turks from only one Turkish team - half the night’s squad, eight from France even though there are no French sides left – five from Arsenal alone, or a third of their players and once more even though the only Spanish team plays tonight, there was still four players that can don the red national jersey.

It is a ludicrous situation that England continues to not grasp. The F.A. outs more into winning the right to host the world cup than grooming the players to actually win one! Wembley stadium accepts plaudits for its design, but not location, whilst the proposed English National School of Excellence remains nothing more than a fantasy on paper.

We are turning into Scotland, a third-rate international nation who are happy to accept qualification as the limit of their ambition, albeit that at the moment that is even beyond England. England have systematically failed, since well forever, so surely, even the most money-driven myopic Premier League accountant and smug big four fan must get that the current status does nothing for the advancement of the game. To continue to beat the drum about the genius of Arsene Wenger at Arsenal, or the Champions League knack of Rafa Benetiz only helps to further drown what’s left of the national team. When a manager of an English team has more Ivoirians playing than English, something is rotten.

The top teams argue that they have to purchase from abroad because the skills are lacking amongst young English players, really? Well that is not helped when the big clubs recruit 16 year olds from just about anywhere, to join their academies. Combined with the laughable leadership from the Premier League (who continue to allow patently dangerous purchases by suspect businessmen, politicians and arms-dealers) and the ineptitude of the F.A. to control its out of control offspring, no wonder we have reached the nadir of not having two decent English strikers.

What seems to be forgotten in all of the back-slapping of a possible all English Champions League final, is viewing figures for big European nights or indeed league games are time and again thumped by numbers watching England struggle in European / World Championships. Doesn’t that give the game away the F.A.? More people regularly watch an uncompetitive England than excellent domestic teams, what does that indicate? Go on, it really is an easy answer…but please let’s get away from this notion of an all-English final, because it isn’t and until changes, real changes not cosmetic ones, are made an all-English final is nothing but a grossly mis-leading advertisement.

A few Summer Snaps

Whilst transferring a few photos from a memory card I stumbled on these photos that were taken at my flat whilst Neil was visiting last summer. If my memory serves me well, we had earlier been gorging ourselves at the Fukuya Beer Garden. To be honest not a lot of the night's activities can be recalled, although how Tim's attire could have been dislodged from one's mind is something that probably shouldn't be dwelt on for too long...

Neil (and Ray in the background!) This photo was taken at Jong-topia, our occasional mahjong parlour.

Also at Jong-topia, when a couple of newbies stopped by for a night's mahjong practice. Ray and Noda oversee interjecting with their sage-like thoughts.

From left to right: Ray, Neil & Kenyon. I seem to remember Ray taking a tanking, Kenyon huffing and puffing, me treading water and Neil running away with it...but I could be wrong...

A dedicated follower of fashion...notice even though totally gonked out, Tim steadfastly holds his half-can of beer upright! Not a drop was spilt...

The NEW DEH FC Shirt 2008-2009

It is here folks! After years of tight, minute negotiations next season(s) kit has arrived from the secret underground lair in rural Devon. First impressions are that it is very, very lightweight due to a) the ultra expensive Adidas climate control unicorn skin or b) it being a bit cheap. However, if the shirt holds together those humid Hiroshima summers will be a bit easier for those of us who are older and not quite in Olympian condition.

Anyway, Ladies, Gentlemen, Leeds & Stoke fans, without further protestation, here is the NEW kit....

DEH March News

Football Kit Saga

Towards the end of 2006 I started to swirl the idea around that our beloved little football team needed a new kit. It was becoming somewhat embarrassing (not to mention looking like we were auditioning for parts in Oliver Twist) as our band of players were turning up in shirts that were vaguely blue, that we needed to be kitted out anew. So, I decided to check out different options and prices and discover exactly what were facing.

Now the Internet was designed purposely for this adventure. Thousands of pages dedicated to an endless plethora of options, colours, designs, patterns, material and of course the crux – prices. I eventually came down to a couple of options, one with a Greek Goddess as its name, the other a hybrid of the founders’ name. I sent options to trusted sages (well Dan and Dave) and in consultation with the skipper (my old student Daisuke) we decided on 3 options.

As the total price was edging towards £300 including coloruful numbering, a shiny new badge and sponsorship branding, a decision was reached to tap up our team’s founder and benefactor. After originally agreeing to cough up, he cried off a week later mumbling something about having money only to pay the teachers at his school. Now, obviously any balanced person would conclude that the football team, the representatives, nay shining beacon of the school should take priority. But there you have it, that’s the sad state of the world.

Thus the idea was benched and we plodded on into the new 2007-08 campaign continuing to resemble a ragtag bunch of outfits than even a Vivienne Westwood model would thumb her nose at.

As we started to exit 2007 I once again floated the idea that buying a new kit would, perhaps help us bond a little better as a team. It is difficult as most of the team are young, overworked, heavily hung-over Hiroshima Univ. medical students, which means we tend to see them only at games or my wedding party – and even then not so much as there were young ladies awaiting their smooth charm. (It seemed to work as well as by all accounts the team actually now has supporters!)

I proposed a splitting of the final fee, if the 3 (ever so slightly richer) gaijins would stump up ￥30k, could they rustle up the remaining. This was agreed I went forth to locate a kit that a) would be reasonable in summer and b) not more than about ￥2k per shirt. This I managed to do without too much time spent and then out of the blue our team benefactor contacted me willing to pay 50% of the final total if we emblazoned the schools’ name on our breasts. Obviously this was agreed to, I mean DEH isn’t that bad, does anyone remember Crystal Palace circa late 1980s..?

So the long saga was nearly complete and our order was sent in to a company located in Devon, south east England. As price and the coulour blue (the chairman’s order) were binding details, the £30 (basic) ultra cool, ultra breathable space-aged clima-cool something or other was out of the window. As Dan didn’t want a round neck our choice was reduced further. We settled on the Adidas Tabela footbal shirt £9 a pop plus numbering, (new) badge and sponsorship.

As the declining yen and pound had suddenly lifted 15% off the price I found myself with a little extra cash so I purchased an “away” shirt as blue tends to be a popular choice.

So, sometime this week the new DEH 2008-09 shirt should be arriving to be debuted as the tradition seems to go these days, in our last game of the 2007-08 season, which confusingly occurs in May, which is after the opening games of the 2008-09 season.

A little side to this elongated tale is on our way down to Fukuoka last week with the missus I was telling the dear beloved the ins and outs of purchasing said kit (she was riveted to her seat), I casually joked that I should have just asked the old father-in-law for sponsorship infusion. As I chuckled she replied casually, “That’s a good idea, if you put the name of his museum on the front he would have given you about ￥100k. Several expletives were uttered at this point.

Ghostly Draws

We had 1 game scheduled for March, a nice local ground in Inokuchi at a reasonable evening KO time. Due to rain preventing play the game was cancelled and as I perused the league’s webpage the next week to find out the re-scheduled appointment I was surprised to learn that despite nobody turning up the game ended 0-0. We should not turn up for a few more games, we would then rest assuredly in mid-table all season long!

As it is, a respectable 8th place is where we currently lie with one game remaining and to be honest, win lose or draw, 8th place is where we will finish, unless we win by 7 clear goals. So as I said, 8th place we will remain.

The Mummy Retires...Maybe.

Dan, the 3nd oldest member of our erstwhile team is pondering retirement as the old body is no longer held together with miles of bandages as it once was. Shy of his 40th year, it sadly seems he won’t be following Dave into his 5th decade of playing football. He is attempting to line up once more, if nothing more than to model the new kit for our game in May. But maybe he will do a Mark Twain on us yet.

The New “Away” shirt – handy for those Hiroshima summers.　(OK, OK it's a bib! But still...)

A Trip Down South

For some time now my friend Neil, (translator extraordinaire, MJ player, surfer and travelling Wilbury) has been issuing invitations for visits to his various homes that have been scattered across Japan. With the missus being off for a week and dropping liberal unsubtle hints about “enjoying some downtime” (US TV for you!), I decided that some R&R with a mate down in Kyushu would be very good timing…

So I headed down on a Wednesday for a 5 hour 30 min journey from Hiroshima to Miyazaki. The only downside, being the total lack of service on the last leg of the journey, resulting in 3 hrs longing for any kind of snack. If only someone could have let me know.

It was great to hang out with Neil as when he came up for my wedding as I hardly saw him and he doesn’t often venture north to Hiroshima (Rumours abound as to why). Sadly no waves of any statue existed for us to do much damage to the sea, our bodies or pride.

So with no waves to surf we filled in the days (and nights) with a spot of sight-seeing, watching some classic British movies, eating the local fried chicken, going to shrines and temples (and in only

4 attempts at throwing small stones into a spiritual rock pool below!) trekking on (tiny) sub-tropical islands, blackening food on the BBQ, failing at attempts to make a tasteful mojito, experiencing the night life of Miyazaki, walking across the longest pedestrian suspension bridge and of course imbibing the odd beer or two.

My thanks to Neil for putting me up with me and driving around Miyazaki! Next time hopefully we will actually get in to surf!

Udo-Jingu Shrine and some "wild" horses...munching on a snack

Not a lot of surf and a Tardis letter box - Miyazaki style...

Neil looking for shells on the Giants backbone and the view from Neil's deck

The Longest Suspension bridge in the world...allegedly: Aya Teruha Bridge

A Bit of Pre-Wedding Golf Including Some Great Shots

Before the little happening of my wedding, a welcome return to the golf course was also combined with a visit from a friend from England and the first ever 18 holes for a new member of the golfing fraternity.

It was a rather chilly, snow flecked Thursday when the four-ball party started their round, consisting of my friend Tim from Barnsley, David, my 12 year old nephew Flynn and myself. Flynn was playing his first 18 holes with a set of ladies clubs that were about 3 sizes too large for him. That did not prevent him from easily playing the 3 best shots of the entire day!

Flynn started with a real peach of chip from just off the 8th green. It was best summed up by Tim, who told Flynn that most golfers wait years rather than just over 2 hours before pulling that shot off. 50 feet, a tricky downhill green and Flynn put just the right amount of power for the ball to caress the flag before plopping in.

The second and third shots were both on the same hole, and words really do not do justice to how brilliantly Flynn played the hole. The 13th is a short 167 yard hole with a nasty pond nestling to the left and encroaching horribly on a third of the green. My ball was over hit, saved from a trek through the cops by slumping into the back bunker. Tim’s was also over-hit, but less so leaving a speedy downhill chip and run. Dave’s ball went MIA. So that left only Flynn…

As Flynn’s club made contact with ball, the three “experienced” golfers all quickly looked to the pond waiting to hear the depressing plonk of a drowned ball. We looked…and we couldn’t see anything. Ahh the ball must have joined Dave’s in the Viet-Cong wilderness. I turned to offer some consoling advice and also to inquire where his ball had ended up. With a look of complete calm I was informed that his ball was in fact at that very moment resting rather snuggly on the bottom of the green. Flynn had hit a grass-cutter 145 odd yards sending his ball through a 2 metre gap between pond on one-side and snow covered excavation on the other.

Amazing! But that was not the end of his brilliance; he then played a 35 feet put, uphill and against the wind to within 3 feet of the hole. His very first par was achieved a few minutes later and after playing only 13 holes of his inaugural round. Jaime bogeyed and Dave hit something just shy of double digits.

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For the remaining of the round Flynn’s attention was fixed on finishing ahead of Dave, which he duly did and it was probably the happiest 132 anybody has ever hit.

A 6 Month Hiatus

Well, there are a number of excuses I could provide for not keeping this blog up-to-date; marriage, writing a book, a computer crash, the depression of watching any English national team….but in truth laziness is the only valid excuse. So, from now on I will attempt to keep this blog looking less like an unwanted bizarre Christmas present and more like a beloved family heirloom. Hopefully.

A Great Myth

Many well-known beliefs accepted by countless people are of course nothing more than a good story. Up until fairly recently I would have been quite happy to attribute the biggest myths to religion. That was until last night, or maybe it was early this morning as the details are a bit foggy! This was when a view was aired that has taken over as the biggest Great Myth of all!

Two weeks ago Kenyon, the David Irving of the Cock-Eyed MJ Club, delivered a gem of revisionist interpretation, this being that “he never won the last game [of the night]”. Dave and I both guffawed rather loudly at this quaint proposal, less so after the last game was completed and our scepticism was aptly supported by the lack of tenbo in our trays.

Indeed the last game of the evening is always one too many for me. If winning handsomely, my total suddenly becomes something of a pimpled teenager. If losing, then my wares start to look like the wrong end of a shark’s snack.

Since the inauguration of the MJ table in 2006 we have all become a bit obsessed by our standings (or failings) in the overall table. The last game of the night becomes more weighed in ones mind as alternate endings are thought out. Of course once having done all this, everyone usually meekly accepts the suggestion of “one more then?”

So as the night had turned into morning and Hide and Noda had departed, we three foreigners played one more game. Just as the starting oya was being decided Kenyon, for it was he who first gave life to this work of biblical fiction, repeated his belief that “he never won the last game [of the night]”. Dave and I, even though both had been imbibing copious amounts of the amber nectar (well at Mama’s it is more Lucozade colour) were still in control of our facilities to pour a large glass of cynicism on that thought.

And when the final game was played out and trays were opened and scores tallied, what dear reader did you think was the result? Had Kenyon’s premonition been proven to be the most accurate since a Middle Eastern teacher’s one about his mate denying him three times some time after dinner...? Or was it just some myth that has become over time, accepted by some as the truth...?

Yup, that’s right, Kenyon cleaned up.

So please, lets not hear anymore about this one, like most myths, just look at the real facts and the truth is clear as clear can be.

__________________________

I am awaiting Dave's long promised update on his MJ website, to incorporate the Etiquette of Mahjong page as well as realising that this is 2007. Unless he is wishing to keep to Ge'Ez Calendar in which case he is still 6 years out.

Hawaii: Golf at Pearl C.C.

I was determined to play at least one round of golf during my stay in Oahu - that was the easy decision, the harder one was which course to play. There are some famous and exquisite courses on the island and I was keen to avoid three possibilities;

1) Paying even more money for a round than I usually do in Japan

2) Not having to travel more than 2 hours to reach the 1st Tee

3) A course that wouldn't break my record for total lost balls in 18 holes

Fortunately for me a family friend of my wife had contacts* at the Pearl Country Club in Pearl City and the home of the Hawaii Pearl Open. I can't say that I knew too much about the course and there are certainly far more famous courses on Oahu, but what a fantastic course it turned out to be!

A round of golf inevitably involves waking up moments after you have seemingly sleepily closed your eyes, and this was no exception. Thankfully the drive to the course was not too long and any tiredness was immediately dispatched when entering the clubhouse and viewing not only a splendid looking course, but amazing views of the clear blue water of Pearl Harbour just beyond.

Today's round was also going to be ground-breaking due to the wife, in what can only be described as a profound moment of spousal harmony, wanting to come along and watch. This worried me a bit, as well wives generally aren't exactly going to be the best people to turn after pulling a shot into the undergrowth. Nor was she likely to contribute much towards looking for any balls that may just have slightly landed plum in the middle of a mini rain-forest.

My Driver!

My partner for the round turned out to be a Japanese businessman (obviously!) who originated from Hiroshima, but was now located in Tokyo. A very nice man by the name of Shingo Tsuido, who was very taken by my (Japanese) wife accompanying me on a round, and so giving up the opportunity to inflict more damage on the family credit card.

The 1st Hole was a rather cruel long par 5, which I remarkably managed to gain par and in the process impressed my playing partner. He posted a bogey and I tried to inform him that, well this really isn't the norm in my game and disaster would be soon upon me. Although the first 9 holes were very competitive and we both gained a couple more pars each. At the turn my predictions of woe turned out to be a bit off the way. Only two lost balls, sadly on the same hole a rather unadventurous par 4 (just one of those holes where everything goes a wry) and I carded a respectable (for me) 46.

My wife, for safety's sake it turned out better if I controlled the peddle, was starting to get a bit bored by the golf, although some of the views of the harbour were breath-taking and that did occupy her attention for a good while. She informed me that after the 11th hole she was hitting the club house to rest her weary limbs...So for most of the back 9 I was on my tod and it meant I talked more with my playing partner - someone it turned out with an interesting take on world history.

The back 9 was a slow going, not to any poor shot play, although that did sometimes happen, as we were stuck behind two 4-balls of the octogenarian club. They were of the belief that any total under 200 would be a personal highlight as any hole completed in single digits was greated with joy that would normally by seen by a player chipping in for eagle to win The Open!

I just shaded the match by 2 strokes and with a score in the low 90s (OK 93) I was somewhat pleased with my days play. It was a strange round in which my putting after the long put for par on the 1st was totally abysmal, too many 3-puts helped to elevate a round that should have been lower. But the course was worth the play alone, and any opportunity for play there should be snapped up. Although it is maybe best if the wife is encouraged to not tag alone...

(My favourite hole was the par 5 8th, an elevated tee and 347 yards to the flag. In what can only be described as "a bit lucky" I perfectly timed my drive and the ball eventually came to a stop 317 yards down the hole. Of course it then took me 5 more shots to get it 30 yards and into the blastered hole, but the drive alone will keep me happy in my darker moments playing in the future.)

*Many thanks to Kawaji-sensei, a true gentleman who arranged the golf day for me as well as taking the time to pick us up from our hotel and deliver us back again.

Hawaii: Water of Pearls

Ever since I was child I have had a mental list of places, that given the right circumstances, I was determined at some point to experience. This year allowed me to tick 2 places of this list, starting with the Eternal City in March. Rome is hardly an original choice, but that is for very obvious reasons. Any one place that allows a visitor to delve into the Colosseum, The Forum, St. Peter's Basilica, The Sistine Chapel and Keats-Shelly Museum is a must. It doesn't require religious fervour or love of ancient history to be deeply rewarded by a visit to Rome, being human should be enough. The 2nd place was harbour in Oahu called Wai Mami, or Water of Pearls.

To be entirely honest this was not my first visit, but the circumstances of which I laboured under on my previous visit nullify that trip - the non-stop bus tour and only being 4 years old. Like Rome, Pearl Harbour is deluged by hungry tourists trying to have a their own "unique experience" of the visit. It should be pointed out from the off that as a harbour there are far more beautiful ones to be found in say Sydney or even Cornwall. Of course everybody knows why millions of tourists flock every year and it isn't to dive for pearls.

The USS Arizona Memorial and Museum is I am sure a deeply moving experience for most American and indeed Japanese visitors. I have to be be honest from the start and say that I found aspects of the experience slightly uncomfortable, but as I am not an American (or Japanese) it would be wrong for me to criticise this overtly. All I would like to contribute is the need to be careful about exhibiting too much hubris. It is an American war memorial and obviously this can result in opinions being espoused that in a more considerately environment you would like to believe would not be heard.

Upon entering the museum section of the tour, the visitor is greeted by a grey anchor with a black python of a chain standing detached and forlorn, it is one of the great anchors of the USS Arizona and creates the perfect note of contemplation whilst queueing. The museum, despite being compact and occupying 2 rooms was for me an interesting experience. Lots of audio-visuals to help with the original artefacts and photographs on display. The small USS Utah cabinet a fitting and poignant reminder of the other sunken Pearl Harbour ship that visitors almost entirely overlook because of the USS Arizona.

I was intrigued to find a small photograph and description of the USS Phoenix, a ship that survived the Pearl Harbour attack and saw active service through the war. It was later sold by the US Navy (I continue to find this strange) and later was sunk during another war, but under a different name, the General Belgrano. It is sad that this ship is probably more famous for a tabloid front page than any service it performed.

Before commencing the visit to the USS Arizona Memorial, all visitors sit through a 30 minute documentary detailing the attack, the immediate aftermath and the later events that resulted in the construction of the white memorial that floats just above the wreck.

The visit to the wreck itself is a 25 minute round trip, allowing the visitor to have about 15 minutes to observe the ship below. It is a moving experience, more so when reading the list of names of the sailors entombed below in the wreck.

I just wished that ignorant, naive and offensive thoughts had remained inaudible to me during my visit. The terrorist attacks on September 11th are not equal to Pearl Harbour, nor were the Japanese the Al-Qaeda of the time. Those that perished during Hurricane Katrina also didn't deserve their fate, despite any warnings that may have been broadcast beforehand.

The highlight of my visit was my brief chat with Mr S. Cole a US Navy shipyard dispenser who witnessed the attack and was enthralling to listen to. He is I believe 88, the other eye-witness present the day I visited was 94. Time is encroaching on these men and women and I was indeed a little humbled at the grace of they showed to all nationalities visiting. Some of their compatriots I heard that day should have listened to them more carefully.

Overall I enjoyed my visit to Pearl Harbour, a place that embodies some of the horrors of war, but also the sacrifices of military personal on both sides who were killed serving their countries.

USS Missouri & USS Nevada Anchorage USS Arizona

USS Utah

Pearl Harbour from USS Arizona Memorial

Same Ol' Same 'Ol

England football fans have got the national team they deserve. This is 2007, for those of you who are unsure about the fine detail, that means it is the 21st Century. So, why for the love of everything, do English supporters feel the “patriotic” need to boo and jeer other countries national anthems? It is not childish, a bit of a laugh or amusing. It is puerile, disgusting and pre-mediated stupidity that confirms all the worst stereotypes of English thuggishness that has become the accepted norm in Europe. Grow up and learn some respect. It is a far superior anthem for a start, one that doesn’t preclude atheists and republicans from being patriotic.

As for the team itself, well what do we expect? England have been in serial decline, well since the game was codified in the 19th Century. One brief moment of glory and a couple of near misses. England doesn’t produce players that are intelligent enough to understand how to interpret an essential change of tactics. Nor, do we employ coaches who are talented and able to implement a bit of tactical ability. 1966 was 41 years ago, it is entering in the mists of time that World War II has started to be clouded by.

Wembley Staduim is the great monument to the folly, myopia and greed that is the F.A. A place that is starting to look like the (vastly overpriced) gravestone of the English game. England have a coach whose path of failure was unanimously predicted from the start. (That is 3 wins in 9) Players whose inflated self-worth equates to an extra 5 grand a week being an insult. Administrators who have zero real football experience (being TV sport editors and club chairman don’t count) and so on and so on and so on.

There is a an Oscar Wilde quote with origins far earlier, that best sums up the English Premier League; “When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers”. That is the Premier League.

The F.A. wanted to revolutionise the English game, modernise it, propel it to glory. The fans were seduced, a whole new ball game rang Sky TV. Great new stadia, expensive foreign imports, it was going to be the sporting equation of Harrods.

Guess what? They were spot on about the Harrods connection. What did happen? Foreign owners came in and the prices went through the roof and the quality improved a bit.

As for the English game you ask? Well, not much good happened there. 2 champions league winners from 16. 0 national wins from a possible 7. Clubs like Arsenal, Chelsea and Bolton fielding whole teams without a single English born player.

How many English players were signed by the 'Big 4' in the close season?
Manchester United: 1 Owen Hargreaves, born in Canada trained in Munich
Chelsea: 1 Steve Sidwell, free transfer from Reading, not a starter.
Liverpool: 0
Arsenal: 0 (Well surprise, surprise)

Nothing will change because the fans seem happy to trundle along to a stadium in the wrong place, with a team that doesn’t know how to play, a coach who isn’t good enough, an administration that isn’t qualified and fans who don’t seem to mind.

A Very Very Long 2nd Half

A classic. 3-2 down and the long second half just about to finally be ended by the whistle perched in the referee's lips. Looking at his watch, counting the reaming seconds between FCディナモ and a moral inspiring first win. The heat and humidity were sapping, the floodlights dimming, the game ending and then....and then little Yasu DEH's midfield maestro hurtled down the left wing outpacing a couple of defenders, and cracked a sumptuous left food shot from the corner of the box that smacked past the keeper at his near post. Parity. Oh what joy for DEH in a game that at half time looked ominously like being 'another one of those games'.

The game was played at Hatsukaichi Soccer Park on astro turf and under floodlights. All three being new to both David and Jaime (the only gainjin playing) and DEH FC. We arrived early to make sure we arrived on time, and after abandoning a potentially dangerous short cut, arrived by taxi with an hour to spare. A highly entertaining match was in place and we enjoyed watching the 2nd half whilst hoping that the rest of team would turn up with substitutes to spare, as it was still mightily humid and Jaime had played golf earlier in the day.

After a small fright, DEH indeed would indeed play with 3 substitutes, both Jaime and David volunteering to sit out the 1st half to offer piercing tactical observations to the team's play. It didn't really work. As half time approached DEH was 2 down and looking somewhat forlorn. They trudged off and after a bit of obvious comments on how to improve the second half (i.e defend better) Jaime and David were ready to enter the fray.

The first thing to remark was it was bloody hot. Dry blue shirts were soon darkened by the outpouring of sweat. The second difference was the team had a bit more "umphf" thanks, one has to conclude, to the more aggressive style of the English contingent.

The 2nd half began at pace and didn't let up, DEH knew an early goal would give them a real boost. After a couple of useful attacks, the ball broke loose in midfield, before ending up at Jaime's feet. He looked up at the keeper and despite being closed down lofted a perfect 35 yard chip over the flailing keeper and in the net. Game on.

The equaliser came soon after, but not before a missed penalty by Yousuke. As he had been felled in the box, Jaime the usual taker, inquired what Yousuke wanted... Unfortunately Yousuke's shot brushed the outside of the left post. Yet DEH was not despondent for long as a beautiful low fizzing cross was turned in by Hide. Joy....

...Followed by immediate despair. From the restart FCディナモ went and won a free kick which was dispatched beautifully past the DEH keeper. The team strove and the FCディナモ goal was repelling wave after wave of DEH attack. Jaime hit the post from a side-footed ride foot shot outside the box, the keeper scrambled a couple of last gasp saves (once a bit illegally) and it seemed that fortune would be heartless creature. Then, just when the half was 50mins old and finally seemed to be over, up ran Yasu and a wonderful rapturous scream of triumph reverberated around the empty stands.




David, observe the sweat drenched shirt...

Jaime looking rather pleased under the lights

For Eri, The Cock-Eyed Mahjong Queen

Death: A Poem

Nor dread nor hope attend
A dying animal;
A woman awaits her end
Dreading and hoping all;
Many times she died,
Many times rose again.
A great woman in her pride
Confronting murderous men
Casts derision upon
Suppression of breath;
She knows death to the bone
Woman has created death. *

By William Butler Yeats

On Monday the cock-eyed mahjong players received the very sad news that Eri had succumbed to cancer she had fought valiantly for over a year. The last time she came to mahjong was at the Christmas Prize giving and she looked well. Alas it was not to last.

*I hope that I might be allowed some license with regards the small alterations with the wording of the poem above.

“Winning at mahjong is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”

American football is by the large a mystery to me, mostly the team names are what I can remember on a good day, but even then the frequent relocation of teams to different cities can make even that simplistic detail erroneous. So it wouldn't be my favoured topic on Mastermind.

Like most British kids who spent their younger school years in the 80’s my first interaction with American football, or Grid Iron as it was labelled, was through Channel 4’s coverage. Overnight, kids would come to school and announce they would support “the Dolphins...Giants...the Raiders...”.

For a while, seemingly a couple of years Grid Iron was popular in a sort of lets-play-something-different-at-lunchtime-instead of sockball*... I can only really remember 2 lunchtimes, and it even then the games really turned into touch rugby as we had no idea what the rules were.

So, American Football has not made much impact on my sporting life, except for one coach in particular – unsurprisingly it is Vince Lombardi. Lombardi’s name has been attached to many memorable quotes, the most famous being “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing”. He seems to be credited with being the first “modern” sports coach. Any football coach wanting to sound deep spins out a Lombardi quote, or if trying for more kudos knocks out a quote that he “has just recently read the Lombardi biography...”. So, unable to find a title for this entry, and wanting to sound intellectual in a sporting kind of way, I thought a quick Lombardi quote search would divulge some results. The result is the top of this report.

As for the mahjong, well after a rather sedate beer garden and after losing 2 of the gang for different reasons the remaining 5 retreated back to my domain in Mitaki for mahjong, beer and sleep (Tim).

Three highly enjoyable games were played which threw up only 1 constant – Neil’s departure from Cock-Eyed MJ ended in triumph. As one American ascended, t’other wilted under the pressure and returned to the bottom of the MJ table. One other unexpected result relegated that Celtic Tiger Ray to the red, his seemingly steady climb in the black was abruptly halted.

Amazingly considering the hours of play and the fact that most of us had been imbibing a constant trickle of alcohol since 5:30pm, no chombos or yakitori were committed. There were no big hands either mind you, a few sneaky 1 tile riichi, but hey it makes it far easier to concentrate!

As dawn broke over the Mitaki hills the 3rd game ended and Neil’s 4 day visit back to the land of living had resulted in 13.5 hours of mahjong play and he left for his return visit to Miyazaki with 180 yen burning a hole in his pocket. It was good to see him.

The final reckoning:

Neil +81 +9 +13 = +103
Jaime -23 +38 +58 = +73
Kenyon -32 +9 -26 = -49
Ray -26 -56 -45 = -127

*Sockball was a ruse decreed on high by my middle school headmaster, a large old man who had a likening for smacking small children on their buttocks for any tiny infringement of the school rules. Despite no classrooms being in range of a 10 year old’s shot, all footballs & tennis balls were banned from the playground to protect the school’s windows. So, we used to role up socks and tights into a ball like shape and kick that around. It was great when the weather was dry...but this being England that wasn’t a very likely event during the winter months and sockballs would tend to unravel into a soggy soaking mass. At this point a game of British Bulldog was usually started. Ah happy days. Well except for Hedgehog the headmaster...

Top Quote: Vince Lombardi

How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!

There is an old sports saying that is often wheeled out from time to time, "the table never lies". The premise being that at the end of any season, the champions are the best team and the last place is reserved for the worst. Now, of course, in the myopic world of the football fan, the table often lies - quite blatantly especially when through some horrid twist of fate the season ends up tragically wrong. This happened to my own team, when Leeds Utd (like thieves climbing through your house window late at night while you are nursing a sick relative in hospital) stole the league championship. Still, I suppose considering the present circumstances I shouldn't bleat too much...

Ahh, but I digress. Last season Watford, Charlton and Sheffield United were relegated from the English Premiership, they finished in the bottom three and were pitiful to watch at times. Justice done then? Well, here is the snag, another team should have been relegated (actually, if my opinion counts for anything - right out of the entire football league!) for not just breaking league rules, but smashing them with a sledgehammer. They club cheated, they lied and through their deliberate deceit they are about to gulp the new sugary sweet TV deal at a mere £50m a season. The official Inquiry revealed that key members of the West Ham board willingly and purposely concealed and misled the Premier League. You don't need a law degree to conclude that is bollocks.

The much heralded "best league in the world" English Premiership has once again shown to be stupid and what is more they don't give a damn. Clubs are being bought up left and right by persons whose accumulation of their vast fortunes are somewhat questionable. Or, and I still can't work this one out, being 'bought' by American tycoons who don't actually pay any money from their vast pockets. Clubs are being straddled with debts that are ludicrous.

One of the goals of the Premier League when it began in 1992 (oh and by the way, football did exist before then, though Sky TV like to pretend that it isn't the case) the league would be structured to help the England national team...yeh that REALLY worked! The game is actually struggling, crowds are down as fans have been priced out, the number of English players in the top league has dwindled to such an extent, if this was rainfall in summer severe drought warnings would be in effect.

But back to the matter in hand. The Premier League has accepted that lying, cheating and in pilfering is fine - as long as you say that you are sorry, very sorry and you promise to cross your heart and hope to die that it will never happen again. No PlayStation for a week and reduction of your pocket money and let that be a lesson to you!

"I cannot accept, your canon that
we are to judge pope and king unlike other men,
with a favorable presumption that they do no wrong.
If there is any presumption, it is the other way against holders of power ...
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. "

Lord Acton

Top Quote: Samuel Adams

Newton's 3rd Law & Cup Defeats

I failed GCSE Physics. Well, that is not entirely accurate - I actually managed to gain a Grade 'D', which thanks to the re-branding of English examinations meant that two years of turning up twice weekly, which resulted in a piece of paper congratulating me on my success. To be able to come back in the 6th form and study for 3 'A' Levels I, and every other English & Welsh student, needed to gain 5 'C' or above results. Now, it is not without foundation that a suggestion could be proposed that if 'C' is the entry level, then everything else below that mark, is well, really a fail*. But that is the Tory party education reforms for you.

My physics teacher was a vain tosser by the name of Mr Thomas, who when not attempting to hide is ever increasing baldness by sleeking his remaining hair back with 2 tubs of Brylcreem, liked to show of his physical prowess by various demonstrations that allowed him to flex his biceps.

Now all teachers have nicknames, almost always attached through humour and divided between kindly monikers and those with more devilish origins. Mr Thomas was known by Fast Eddie. This allegedly had something to do with his nom de guerre, as a moonlighting central heating installation man. Not sure how much truth was in the story, but he was called Eddie, or for those seemingly closer female teaching assistants - "Ed".

Now I suppose this next analysis stems more from biology than physics (at my school, my 2nd year tutor was a cyclopian battle-axe, whose glass eye used to rattle in the socket when she was angry or excited. My tutor - M4, never did verify the latter) the chicken or the egg conundrum; was my 'failure' in physics due to my total lack of interest, nay ability in the subject? Or was it rooted in the baffling, and indeed perturbing actions of glorified plumber?

In truth physics, apart from the obvious stuff like universal gravity and the 3 Laws of Motion, has impacted on my consciousness not one iota since 1991. That is, except for old Sir Issac. He seemed a rather jolly old intellectual fellow, and his 3rd Law is what came to me on the journey home from Senogawa Park on Sunday afternoon following a truly horrific performance by DEH.

Last season DEH was crap. I am sure other just as suitable words could be used, bollocks is another fine one, but crap really does accurately portray and define our season. Didn't win a single league game, managed only 1pt and forfeited 2 games through lack of players. We finished plum last place and Division C beckoned. This is where a cruel twist of fate intervened and spared us from plying our craft with lesser (=easier) teams. The Lord and Master of the Hiroshima Sunday League (and also our tight-fisted patron) fiddled the tables like a politicians' fuel allowance and thus we remained in Division B.

Our first game of the season (see previous report) was a beauty, a thumping 4-0 romp. So, it was with some degree of confidence that we looked forward to the next game, a cup match against a team struggling in a division 3 below ourselves. A grass pitch and inclement weather too, ahh at last the Gods were smiling upon us and a rematch with the dastardly Brazilians was looming large than a hippo charging towards you. There was just one small, tiny problem...we played like a bunch of twats and lost 1-0.

Everything we did right last time, we completely screwed up this time. Our passing game was non-existent and our midfield and defence seemed to be involved in a competition to see who could give the ball away the most (which the midfield won hands down). It was a depressing, energy sapping loss that really never ever should have happened. What the FFFFF awaits us in our next performance, the devil only knows. But I ponder on this thought, if as Newton declared;

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

Our first game was brilliant, our second awful, then our 3rd game must surely be a triumph! It is the laws of physics after all.

Dan, wearing...I really don't know!

Josh, the debutant, is in the foreground. Hurley is to his left and Dan's stocking-less leg to the right!

*Written in small letters as to not offend any PC loving educationalists out there! You can't have 'Passes' at only 30%!

**We did in fact have a new gaijin player make his debut on Sunday - Josh an actual current DEH teacher no less! Who came on for the 2nd half. He is most welcome to swell the old foreigner's ranks.

What A Difference A Grass Pitch Makes

If seasons could be books, then last year's was an enactment of Volatire's Candide, despite continued disasters and defeats there was always the optimistic prospect of the next game in which fortunes would be turned for the better. Like Voltaire's protagonist not much did go right for DEH last season, a single point and a quarter-finals appearance were the brief highlights of desperate year.

A new season always brings out the optimist amongst us, last year's failings forgotten and hope springing that this year will be alright. The team's first sign that things might be different was the scheduling, which allocated the match be played on a grass pitch, indeed the very same park where our only moment of glory came last year. For the 3 Englishmen in the team the thought of playing on grass wells the belief and girded the loins. So it proved as DEH romped home with 4 second half goals against AC Telan.

The 1st half was a great way to kick off the new season, lost of action, plenty of meaty tackles, shots, saves, misses and an overall high level of play. AC Telan shaded possession, but the bulk of the chances fell to DEH. We should have gone in a goal up as the team's attacking style merited a lead. Thankfully for Jaime the long ball hoof of last season was replaced with a quick pass and move style that resulted in him actually getting the ball in dangerous areas for once.

The weather was hot and sapping and half-time came as a welcome rest bite to rest some weary (and old) legs. David was quite happy to continue as sub and was quite firm in his belief that his contribution should be kept on the leash to be let loose in the last 15 minutes.

The 2nd half started in the best way for DEH, within the first 5 minutes a finely worked goal from a scintillating pass on the half-volley from Jaime arrowed into the 5-yard box to be smashed in to roof by our new 19 year old player. Indeed it was his day, he scored another goal, his presence created an own goal for third and a beautiful through ball was finished off for the 4th.

David did indeed come on for Jaime who was knackered having run around a bit more than usual and anyway if one forward was to go off the one with the teenage legs shouldn't have been the one to leave. Dave playing striker, (he really is turning into Mr Versatile - the John O'Shea of the DEH team) and twice nearly scored. Dan again had one of his imposing games in the centre of defence and the new skipper not only started the season with a win (and so doubling our entire points tally of last season) but also a clean sheet.

All in all a rather good start.

Dan, David and Jaime then headed off the Hiroshima International Airport (even though it no longer flies outside of Japan) for a few beers and a late lunch as well as a bit of plane spotting as Dan especially become quite excited by the arrival of the Pokemon Express Charter Flight. He claimed he wanted a picture for his lad, but....

Hurley & I Achieve...Lots of Frustration!

Date: 27th March 2007
Place: Forest Hills Golf & Resort
Weather: Heavy Rain / Wind
Conditions: Dry fairways / Wet greens
Shot of the Day: Jaime's 2nd to the 9th, 8i middle of green with the pressure of clubhouse diners watching on!

Our confidence was high after a good practice the night before, Jaime breaking in his new hybrid club (Nike Slingshot, 20 degree 3w) with great success and Dave's swing evolving with more consistency and distance. Unfortunately all the positives from the night before evaporated on the 1st tee! Jaime smashing his ball through a mini forest to the right and Dave topping his drive about 60 yards...Not a promising beginning.

Indeed the whole outward 9 was painful, seemingly endless duff shots, wrong club selection, green mis-reads as well as some serious trekking through the lovely Hiroshima countryside staring hopefully at the foliage for a small white pimpled object. The worst shot of the day (and there was plenty to choose from!) was recorded on the 6th hole by Jaime who hit the tee shot so far left in was close to landing on the neighbouring Hiroshima International Airport. Only to be being saved from going to airport to ask for his ball back by the border fence. Air traffic control must have been very worried if they had been following our round!

Dave's hopes of avoiding a double figure was also dashed, with a horrendous score on the 6th, but at least he was on the fairway during the hole, unlike Jaime who incredibly rescued a bogie despite not once being on grass less than ankle high. (You are in the rough, you know you should play safe, but hey what the hell right? A curse word and an almighty whack will serve just as good...until you land in the rough again! But hey, you are in the rough, so....)

We trooped in for the luncheon break downhearted and wet from the heavens that had poured on us for most of the morning. Trying to forget the scorecard we both indulged in a delicious lunch. One of the true enjoyments of playing golf in Japan, is the without exception excellent food offered in the clubhouses. (The other 2 being the beer machines/food huts & the bath house after the round) They really set you up for the afternoon play.

With rounder mid-drifts we set out for the afternoon 9 and even though the weather continued to be foul, the scorecard observed a slight improvement, with Jaime at least edging nearer the birdie end than the bogie one. Dave again just failed to achieve is perfect single figure score, but the weather was a distinct handicap. By the last few holes the wind had really got going and with the rain as further hindrance, not too much should be dwelt on the final score. In the end both Dave's and my scorecard wasn't as bad as it looked at the halfway point and the weather did play its part.

Dave could take pleasure from his continued increase in length from the tee, breaking his own yardage distance with a 176 yard drive. Jaime too gained some distance as was getting the ball 250+ by the outward 9. At one hole, according to the computer Dave hit 228 yards and Jaime 331 - so we assumed it was having a momentary loss of control due to the extraordinary dreariness of some of our play. If indeed our little monitor was correct I would have landed right bang on the green from the tee...if only wishing made it so!

Golf Photos

Unpredictable Greens - Missing a birdie on the 10th by running out of juice

On the same green Dave's ball slid 2 feet past...Notice the plane flying overhead

The Scoop & Scrap Method - Dave's unusual way of playing a bunker shot...

Confusingly brown fairways - despite the rain & cold!

Things of real beauty - The traditional Japanese Mid-9 holes Beer Hut! (and loos)
__________________

An Applicable Golf Quote:

"Golf is a day s