My physics teacher was a vain tosser by the name of Mr Thomas, who when not attempting to hide is ever increasing baldness by sleeking his remaining hair back with 2 tubs of Brylcreem, liked to show of his physical prowess by various demonstrations that allowed him to flex his biceps.
Now all teachers have nicknames, almost always attached through humour and divided between kindly monikers and those with more devilish origins. Mr Thomas was known by Fast Eddie. This allegedly had something to do with his nom de guerre, as a moonlighting central heating installation man. Not sure how much truth was in the story, but he was called Eddie, or for those seemingly closer female teaching assistants - "Ed".
Now I suppose this next analysis stems more from biology than physics (at my school, my 2nd year tutor was a cyclopian battle-axe, whose glass eye used to rattle in the socket when she was angry or excited. My tutor - M4, never did verify the latter) the chicken or the egg conundrum; was my 'failure' in physics due to my total lack of interest, nay ability in the subject? Or was it rooted in the baffling, and indeed perturbing actions of glorified plumber?
In truth physics, apart from the obvious stuff like universal gravity and the 3 Laws of Motion, has impacted on my consciousness not one iota since 1991. That is, except for old Sir Issac. He seemed a rather jolly old intellectual fellow, and his 3rd Law is what came to me on the journey home from Senogawa Park on Sunday afternoon following a truly horrific performance by DEH.
Last season DEH was crap. I am sure other just as suitable words could be used, bollocks is another fine one, but crap really does accurately portray and define our season. Didn't win a single league game, managed only 1pt and forfeited 2 games through lack of players. We finished plum last place and Division C beckoned. This is where a cruel twist of fate intervened and spared us from plying our craft with lesser (=easier) teams. The Lord and Master of the Hiroshima Sunday League (and also our tight-fisted patron) fiddled the tables like a politicians' fuel allowance and thus we remained in Division B.
Our first game of the season (see previous report) was a beauty, a thumping 4-0 romp. So, it was with some degree of confidence that we looked forward to the next game, a cup match against a team struggling in a division 3 below ourselves. A grass pitch and inclement weather too, ahh at last the Gods were smiling upon us and a rematch with the dastardly Brazilians was looming large than a hippo charging towards you. There was just one small, tiny problem...we played like a bunch of twats and lost 1-0.
Everything we did right last time, we completely screwed up this time. Our passing game was non-existent and our midfield and defence seemed to be involved in a competition to see who could give the ball away the most (which the midfield won hands down). It was a depressing, energy sapping loss that really never ever should have happened. What the FFFFF awaits us in our next performance, the devil only knows. But I ponder on this thought, if as Newton declared;
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"
Our first game was brilliant, our second awful, then our 3rd game must surely be a triumph! It is the laws of physics after all.
Josh, the debutant, is in the foreground. Hurley is to his left and Dan's stocking-less leg to the right!
*Written in small letters as to not offend any PC loving educationalists out there! You can't have 'Passes' at only 30%!
**We did in fact have a new gaijin player make his debut on Sunday - Josh an actual current DEH teacher no less! Who came on for the 2nd half. He is most welcome to swell the old foreigner's ranks.