Thursday, June 21, 2007

Newton's 3rd Law & Cup Defeats

I failed GCSE Physics. Well, that is not entirely accurate - I actually managed to gain a Grade 'D', which thanks to the re-branding of English examinations meant that two years of turning up twice weekly, which resulted in a piece of paper congratulating me on my success. To be able to come back in the 6th form and study for 3 'A' Levels I, and every other English & Welsh student, needed to gain 5 'C' or above results. Now, it is not without foundation that a suggestion could be proposed that if 'C' is the entry level, then everything else below that mark, is well, really a fail*. But that is the Tory party education reforms for you.

My physics teacher was a vain tosser by the name of Mr Thomas, who when not attempting to hide is ever increasing baldness by sleeking his remaining hair back with 2 tubs of Brylcreem, liked to show of his physical prowess by various demonstrations that allowed him to flex his biceps.

Now all teachers have nicknames, almost always attached through humour and divided between kindly monikers and those with more devilish origins. Mr Thomas was known by Fast Eddie. This allegedly had something to do with his nom de guerre, as a moonlighting central heating installation man. Not sure how much truth was in the story, but he was called Eddie, or for those seemingly closer female teaching assistants - "Ed".

Now I suppose this next analysis stems more from biology than physics (at my school, my 2nd year tutor was a cyclopian battle-axe, whose glass eye used to rattle in the socket when she was angry or excited. My tutor - M4, never did verify the latter) the chicken or the egg conundrum; was my 'failure' in physics due to my total lack of interest, nay ability in the subject? Or was it rooted in the baffling, and indeed perturbing actions of glorified plumber?

In truth physics, apart from the obvious stuff like universal gravity and the 3 Laws of Motion, has impacted on my consciousness not one iota since 1991. That is, except for old Sir Issac. He seemed a rather jolly old intellectual fellow, and his 3rd Law is what came to me on the journey home from Senogawa Park on Sunday afternoon following a truly horrific performance by DEH.

Last season DEH was crap. I am sure other just as suitable words could be used, bollocks is another fine one, but crap really does accurately portray and define our season. Didn't win a single league game, managed only 1pt and forfeited 2 games through lack of players. We finished plum last place and Division C beckoned. This is where a cruel twist of fate intervened and spared us from plying our craft with lesser (=easier) teams. The Lord and Master of the Hiroshima Sunday League (and also our tight-fisted patron) fiddled the tables like a politicians' fuel allowance and thus we remained in Division B.

Our first game of the season (see previous report) was a beauty, a thumping 4-0 romp. So, it was with some degree of confidence that we looked forward to the next game, a cup match against a team struggling in a division 3 below ourselves. A grass pitch and inclement weather too, ahh at last the Gods were smiling upon us and a rematch with the dastardly Brazilians was looming large than a hippo charging towards you. There was just one small, tiny problem...we played like a bunch of twats and lost 1-0.

Everything we did right last time, we completely screwed up this time. Our passing game was non-existent and our midfield and defence seemed to be involved in a competition to see who could give the ball away the most (which the midfield won hands down). It was a depressing, energy sapping loss that really never ever should have happened. What the FFFFF awaits us in our next performance, the devil only knows. But I ponder on this thought, if as Newton declared;

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

Our first game was brilliant, our second awful, then our 3rd game must surely be a triumph! It is the laws of physics after all.

Dan, wearing...I really don't know!

Josh, the debutant, is in the foreground. Hurley is to his left and Dan's stocking-less leg to the right!

*Written in small letters as to not offend any PC loving educationalists out there! You can't have 'Passes' at only 30%!

**We did in fact have a new gaijin player make his debut on Sunday - Josh an actual current DEH teacher no less! Who came on for the 2nd half. He is most welcome to swell the old foreigner's ranks.

2 comments: said...

"...But that is the Tory party education reforms for you."

And what do we have to show for ten years of Labour Party "Education... Education... Education"?

Blue 13 said...

Achievement…confusion…failure... Achievement- under the Labour government, the education system has for the first time in our life time been afforded the correct levels of expenditure after decades of under-investment.

Confusion- the complex and ever changing directives emanating from the DFE have led to parents, education administrators, teachers and students coming and going. Are 16 year olds going to study ‘A’ levels, or ‘As’ Levels?

Failure – despite record levels of funding, standards have not increased significantly. Schools are not providing the UK with graduates from the student population who are able to meet the need for jobs. The UK has been absorbed by an educational culture in which a doctrine has taken hold that all students should be pushed to attending universities because to not do so is a failure. Thus the two-tiered system of Universities and Polytechnics (for those below the university standard) has been homogenised (under the previous Tory government) resulting in too many students completing redundant degrees.

University entrance should be hard, it should be a litmus test for a person’s ability, there should be no disgrace attached it not attending, as a degree does not guarantee as to an individual’s future success.

Education shouldn’t be setting its standards so low that university attendance is achievable through grades that do not merit the study of degrees that provide the student, nor society with a meaningful contribution.

Education should be universal, it should be excellent, it should be classless, it should employ the brightest teachers, it should build schools that resemble palaces, it should allow students to be taught and it should be free.