It IS Very Simple...

Just finished an article from The Times. A "What If..." predicted scenario which involves a minority Tory government falling under a no confidence motion, but through political manoeuvring, the monarch suspends Parliament for a short period. What shocked me the most, was not that this possibility is legal under the current 'constitution', but that people leave comments supporting the suspension of democracy. Why is it that, the Queen is deemed to have more rights as British citizen than anybody else? I continue to be dumbfounded by the total lack of desire to fully democratise the British system. Or to be more precise, to continue to subject ourselves to an UNELECTED head of state. It is complete lunacy.

Next to Nothing (Again)

Fifa and Uefa both seem to operate under a code that shows no actual attachment to reality. This is nothing new, sporting bodies are nearly always reactive, hardly ever being brave enough to take the lead by instigating reforms in advance of obvious problems. Today Fifa took the low road once more by fining the Croatian FA a meager $28,000 for racist behaviour by their fans towards black English players at last months’ WCQ. 28 grand - yeh that will really help to stamp the problem out! Measures that actually censor fans footballing experience, such as banning fans from attending home games, playing offending nations home matches in outer Siberia, or actually doing something proactive like, I don’t know, expulsion from competition those countries that continually offend. But no, that sadly would be doing something; Fifa actually released this meaningless statement today: (you can hear the concealed laughter from the Croatian FA, their fans would sadly utter more offensive comments.)

"Racism has no place in football. Fifa is determined to continue broadcasting this message around the globe and deploying all of the means at its disposal to eliminate this form of discrimination."

I would like to advise Fifa (and Uefa) that the removal of racism with a paltry fine of $28,000 is nowhere near eliminating discrimination by all of the means possible. It is in fact, doing basically sod all.

A Very English August: Golf Part 1

One of the pleasures of any return to England is the opportunity to play some golf, on an eclectic choice of courses, with a mate and crucially, whilst not spending a small fortune for the privilege. The contrast between how golf is played in Japan to England is at its widest when emptying the wallet in the clubhouse before the round. In Japan, it can be an ideal way to lighten to the load in your pocket, in England; you usually leave the course with a few notes still wedged in the leather.

The other big difference between the two experiences is how your legs feel at the end of 18 holes. In Japan it is almost universally the case that you are pampered with luxury, a buggy chauffeurs you to every shot, a mid-round break allows for the chance to eat some lunch, loll around and restore energy for the back 9. And finally, the glorious, emersion into a hot bath allows you to re-live/re-invent selected highlights of the day whilst soaking those weary limbs. In England, you don’t really get any of this, certainly not on the golf courses I often play. The up-side is you can squeeze 36 holes into one day, which is impossible in Japan. And that is usually where the problems start.

Due to such small trivialities such as my wedding, I have not had the chance to play much golf this year in Japan. It has hard to justify spending a week’s household on 18 holes when other more matrimonial costs are floating around. So once I had arranged the days with my English golfing mate, Tim, I was eager to plunge straight into a day of 36 holes as compensation for my year’s near total abstinence. This plan only had two small, almost insignificant problems: 1) The English summer weather would have made Noah feel at home and 2) My body is just not used to this kind of punishment. Golf on the Wii hardly prepares you for squelching through and in, an English golf course. By the end of the first day’s play I felt, and looked, as though I had just gone around Cape Horn in a holed dingy.

We had decided that our first day’s golf would be on an old favourite, Burgham Park GC near Morpeth in Northumberland. With a 2 fore 1 golf voucher to reduce the day’s play to 18 pounds each, it seemed a convenient way to begin the golfing part of my holiday. Unfortunately I was wrong. We got soaked; my joints stopped operating around the 22nd hole, my rainproof shoes leaked and eventually sank into the sodden course, and my score that after 6 holes was pretty damn hot, dissolved into the nether regions, only fleetingly being spotted in near earth orbit. Burgham is a beautiful parkland course which played like a Venice links course on wet day.

The next day, we thought we would head off to the coast in search of drier land. The conundrum of golf in England is that you have to choose between the following (Hobson’s) choice:

a)Play a links course, more likely to be drier because of the wind, and so even more likely you will be hitting into/out of/around a swirling coastal gale. End result - a difficult round.

b)Play a parkland course, more likely to have reduced wind, and so even more likely your underfoot will be marshland and your ball/feet/hope will sink two feet into each fairway. End result – a difficult round.

After just about avoiding trench-foot on Wednesday, a links course was agreed to be the more drier option. I had been itching to visit Seahouses GC on the Northumbrian coast for some time now. Seahouses, is a traditional Northumbrian seaside holiday town that is dominated by caravan parks, amusement arcades, biting winds, grey beaches, arctic seas and a lighthouse. It does, however have two saving graces, a magnificent array of high quality chippies (no this is not an oxymoron) and an old, short (in yards) par 67 links course. Just the job after the previous day’s treacle slopping…

The wind was as benign as it would ever be on a north-eastern summer’s day; the footing was reasonably dry and the course enjoyable to play. There were three highlights of the round:

1)Despite being given very clear instructions as to where to tee off for the 1st hole, neither Tim nor I could recall the conversation that had taken place only 2 minutes previously and, so we just teed off and hoped for the best. (I got par).

2)The 5th and 8th holes start parallel to each to each other, but to reach the correct green, you have to crisscross the other holes’ fairway. I stood on the 5th tee aimed left(ish) and was quite happy to be roughly in the same direction as the green. Tim aimed right. I reached the green in 3 and so did Tim, the only problem being he landed on the 8th green. He hadn’t realized that the holes were in fact not just two long straight holes…

3)The 10th is a shortish par 3 which involves hitting an exposed long iron over a pond and on a slightly sunken green. Tim went first and stopped his ball 6 feet from the hole. I followed and ended up 7 feet adrift. We only then noticed an old man had stopped to watch both are shots. For that brief moment, whoever he was, must have thought we knew what we doing on a course. We both missed birdie however…

Seahouses turned out be a great antidote from the previous day’s exasperation and so we headed off home confident that Wednesday’s woes was but a minor hiccup in the golfing week. Sadly I was wrong. Not just a tiny bit, but Betamax kind of wrong…

Entrance to Burgham Park GC

Tim teeing off on the 13th at Burgham Park.

The 18th at Burgham GC. Amazingly Tim and I played this hole well on both rounds!

The view from the 10th, just a long iron over the hidden pond. Seahouses GC

Two fine tee-shots! The 10th, Seahouses GC

The bunker-dominated 8th. Seahouses GC.

A Very English August: Introduction

As an exiled (to be fair it is my own choice) Englishman, one has at times bristled and become sensitive about despairing remarks concerning the mother country's summer climate. Often, one has been forced to listen to crude terminology dismissing the English climate (food, sports teams, female attractiveness...) as something to be avoided like a lonely Yorkshire Moor pub on a moonlit night. These remarks have been spouted from various nationalities, American, Dutch, Canadian, Kiwi, Ozzie even the odd native has been known to offer a comment or two. Usually it is met with a withering (at least that is how my memory records such discourses) put down and a long winded defence extolling the excellence of the English summer climate that goes something like this:

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It doesn't always f***ing rain you know!

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Often this starts me off on a comprehensive rant about how Hollywood depicts dear olde England in its pictures. You know, every town has a red double-decker, old fashioned red telephone box, accents that are either Dick Van Dyke cockney or David Niven posh....I could go on, but I can already hear the sirens....

-

Sadly, and regrettably returning to my original point, my defence of the glorious English summer is about as accurate (and water-tight) as the national football team's back four. I have just returned to Hiroshima after spending four and a half weeks in the beautifully scenic North East of England and I saw the sun exactly twice - for about 15 minutes each. That was perhaps the coldest summer I have ever experienced, windy, gloomy and at times bloody chilly. The only saving grace was despite quite a bit of rain, my standard belief in the English climate was born out:

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It didn't always f***ing rain!

The Result...(eventually)

The Result: 2-2
The Pitch: A dust ball
The Heat: Very uncomfortable
The O.M: He played about 15 minutes.
The 2nd O.M: He scored the first equaliser.
The Match: Enjoyable, end to end with plenty of chances.
The Final Analysis: A draw was a fair an just reflection of the action.
The Medical Report: Surprisingly the old body held up rather well, with few next day aches.
The Post Match Meal: Excellent, headed off to an izakaya/okonomiyaki - combo establishment.

The Morning Before...

For the first time this season, DEH FC will be playing a night game, which considering the brutality of the summer heat and humidity that has embraced this part of Japan in the last few weeks seems to be a blessing from the schedulers. So as the legs continue to get older , the limbs heavier and the team-mates younger, thoughts do progress to the day when I will be unable to do this, for this team at least. There have been some noticeable players who have turned out into their 50s, Nagai-san for Oasis/Palladium/Mollys and are current team-mate Hurley, who is enjoying his mid-40s and makes his first start of the season tonight. It seems very unlikely that I will reach that age of playing, there does come a time when one must just accept that observing has become the prominant detail of a person's relationship with the simple game. An acceptance that an England call has maybe just slipped down the path of unfullfilled dreams. Yet the day of ends has not yet arrived, so Capello can call on my services if the desire ever takes him to watch games from the Hiroshima City League Division B and see an ageing striker, with a bit of goal-scoring nous still hovering about him who could fill in now and again.

DEH FC vs Mazda A&T

Substance Not Symbolism

In the horror and destruction that has engulfed Zimbabwe and its people over the last few years the condemnation of that country’s leadership has been loud and clear, at least amongst the Western democracies. Political and economic sanctions have been imposed, perhaps justifiably, as its citizens are subjected to a continued onslaught of brutality.

As the reports cascade out of Zimbabwe reporting murder, rape, torture and a general imposition of destruction of a once healthy, economically structured nation. Opposition from outside has swung from the (failed) gentle nudging of South Africa to the more (failed ) confrontational approach of the EU and USA. Today’s election is clearly nothing but another oxymoronic addition to those gerrymandered and corrupt elections witnessed the world over.

So with the reek of fear, death and a bleak future, at least in the short term, how does the British Government respond, what meaningful sign of Britain’s determination to stand up for the people of Zimbabwe is declared? The Queen announced that HE President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe will be stripped of his honorary knighthood. Is that all the British Government has got?

What seems even more shameful is that this motion was discussed and debated in the House of Commons. Surely, a person of the most simplistic humanity could declare that there are far more effective sanctions that can be imposed by the 5th largest economy in the world. It is meaningless and an embarrassing statement of Britain’s opaque foresight in world affairs.

Modern Britain is burdened, somewhat unjustly, with alleged sins of empire. Any former British colony, especially one that has fought a divisive civil war against a racist and minority government, is bound to be sensitive to British involvement in internal affairs. But the current state of affairs in Zimbabwe has gone beyond colonial sensitivity. Britain, the European Union and the wider world should be more aggressive in their condemnation of human rights abuses. An Iraqi life, an Afghani life, a Jewish life, an African life, a European life and an American life is not worth more than a human life. Real intervention is required, peacefully by all means possible, decisively when required and with humanitarian ideas at all times. The people of Zimbabwe deserve more than an empty symbolic gesture of an outdated relic by its colonial rulers. Blood is still more expensive than oil.

Two on the Trot

In five seasons of playing for DEH FC never have we started the season as well as this year, played 2 won 2, scored 3 conceded 1, 6pts from 6. Remarkably we are currently only 1pt shy of our total for last season and have already outscored the previous season (our “relegation” one) by 4pts. Things are looking on the up!

Our 2nd game was played at the same venue as our 1st, out in the wilds of Hiroshima state. Whenever it takes more than one hour to get to a ground, spirits are usually not too high, but with the missus driving and with an adventurous air we managed to arrive at our destination in good spirits.

I managed to get to the ground 5 minutes before kickoff comfortable in the knowledge that games always start later than scheduled, and thankfully I was not too be disappointed as I ambled up to be the 12th and last man of the lineup.

Missing from our last game were our new manager and regular keeper to be replaced by our irregular, and freakishly tall sticks-man from the last couple of years. In fact we seemed to be missing a few other bodies from May, but during the warm-up (obviously mine consisted of kicking the ball against the wall a bit) they seemed to be pretty good.

The game itself was a close, end to end affair with DEH dominating the scoring chances and even though Honkawa FC shaded the midfield with two rather robust players not afraid to put the boot in. I hovered around the front line providing support and allowing my partner to zigzag dynamically across the pitch, like a fevered terrier. It worked as we went in at half-time 1-0 up.

The goal had been coming, only minutes before a great move was only just thwarted by the out-rushing keeping getting some part of his anatomy to deflect the goal bound shot. When finally DEH did find the back of the net, it was a well worked move, a fast zipping cross into the D of the box which was volleyed first time by Jaime, saved acrobatically and then rolled into the back of the net by my terrier like partner. Coming only a few minutes before the break Jaime pattered himself on the back and was content that he could be substituted at HT having contributed towards our lead. Except….

After telling Yuiji, our skipper, that the old legs needed a blow in the summer heat and a wonder off to sit in the cool shade of the veranda to peruse the 2nd half in comfort would be ideal, I was somewhat shocked to be told that our “12th” man was a defender and didn’t need know how to attack. Well I resisted the temptation to suggest that I wasn’t exactly knowledgeable in the department either – turkeys don’t volunteer for Christmas. So as the whistle blew, I strolled on hoping the noggin wouldn’t get too burnt from the sun…

The 2nd half was another tight affair, with DEH wasting two glorious opportunities to make the game safe. The team did resort back to some bad old days of “pussyfooting around” (as my mother likes to condemn any team who pass the ball without an end result) whilst not actually shooting much. Still, as the final whistle blew and I could still move my lower limbs without pain, a very satisfactory feeling embraced the whole team.

I strolled off to find the missus, who had spent the game time eating and cleaning the car, rejecting the opportunity to watch her other half tutor the younger team members in the art of preserving energy on a football pitch.

On the journey home we spotted a sign advertising a Sri Lankan restaurant, which seemed too good an opportunity to reject. We still suspected we would be presented with a Japanese interpretation of Sri Lankan cooking, but to a great surprise, there plopped in the middle of nowhere was pucker Sri Lankan chef, who was very pleasant. He was also an excellent cook and the food was both outstandingly tasty and ridiculously cheap. Another visit is planned.

Some Random Thoughts

To revel in someone else’s misfortune does not seem a rather gentlemanly occupation to partake in. And yet, I must admit to a degree of satisfaction whilst watching Italy lose on penalties to Spain in the QF in Euro 2008. I have no real grudge against Italy, indeed I am rather fond of their wine, food and history. However, I do have a personal enmity towards a certain Italian football player who should have been banned for a long time after his brutal attack against the USA’s Brian McBride in the 2006 World Cup. Due to FIFA weakness an initial 5 match ban was reduced to 4 games allowing the miscreant the opportunity to play, and score a penalty that helped Italy become world champions.

So it was with a contented grin that Daniele De Rossi missed a penalty that contributed towards Italy’s elimination from Euro 2008. In the ways of karma I suppose it doesn’t quite balance out, but nonetheless maybe a small act of the Gods applying a degree of retribution for that savage injury.
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It should perhaps be noted that Brian McBride, who to this days suffers from nerve damage in his face publicly called De Rossi a “classy” guy for apologizing to him after the match. I think it perhaps says more about the class of McBride than anything else.
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The Euros (and by the way, when did that moniker start being applied?) have been entertaining in a distant sort of way. I don’t buy in to either of the approaches being adopted by exiled England fans and pundits. Firstly, it is not “more relaxing” because we don’t have to suffer the ineptitude of 11 Englishman trying to find each other win a football before crashing out in a penalty shoot-out. Nor do I wholly accept that “it is short term pain for long term gain”. Yes England have a smart, tactically aware, star non-obsessed (and Italian) coach, but look at the small print – 34% of the Premier League are English qualified. It is just painfully embarrassing that England are unable to qualify for a major championships – winning it may be beyond us, but hell qualifying? Richest league in the world - not in English talent it isn’t. But I have beat that drum many times before…
________________________________________________________________________________

So Cristiano Ronaldo is off to Real Madrid in a “world record fee”. I am torn, he has been a great player for my beloved United, but if he really wants to go to Real then take as much money as you can get and re-eneregise the team with the cash. Then again, why should United acquiesce to a player and a club (Madrid) that have acted beyond the pale? This, considering we are talking about modern football, is concluding quite a lot! Say no to his increasingly petulant demands and tell him not to instigate a move 6 months after signing a 5 year contract. Sadly, the inevitable seems, well inevitable and he will be off, but it is a gamble for the player, Real are hardly the most stable environment to grow as a person and player. Ronaldo could yet regret his haste in moving, even if his hangers-on, agent and bank manager disagree.

2008 Team Photo

Deh FC May 25th 2008: FC 180 1-2 Deh FC

The Away Shirts are on the ground...

A Winning Start

FC 180 (0) 1 - 2 (1) Deh FC

Out in the wilds of Hiroshima state is the Monomomichi park, a not too enjoyable 2 hour drive just to play a game of football. It wasn't even a grass pitch. My memory is somewhat clouded by age, alcohol and the natural onset of mild dementia, but I am pretty sure this is towards the longer times and miles driven just to get to a football ground. The park itself is pleasant enough, some squeaky babbling brooks and a couple of dirt football pitches. There are other facilities including in winter a mountain to ski down, but maybe that discovery is for another time.

The new season brought a new captain, our regular right back of the last couple of years - Yuiji, some new and increasingly whisker free faces of our new players, a manageress, who by the looks of it seemed rather cosy with last year's skipper and regular keeper and of course the long discussed new Deh shirts. It is pleasing to report that all the new facets of team contributed to a healthy, combative and indeed skillful 2-1 victory to start our championship challenge / relegation avoidance with 3 well deserved points.

Jaime was the only gaijin playing, Dan being imprisoned at work, Dave recuperating and the 'keen' Deh teacher Darren, despite sending more than 30 texts over the week, failing to turn up nor offer any excuse for his absence. It is the second time he has not turned up, so twice bitten and the rest. It would, I also conclude, rather some up the man's character, and upon this evaluation he has been found desperately wanting of real substance. A lucky escape for the team.

FC 180's kit looked familiar and some of their players also looked as though we had been previously acquainted. As they were the home team and also played in blue, our new sponsored kit was regrettably covered by our new "away" kit of orange bibs. If I can say so myself, that was an inspired decision by the purchaser to order some bibs with the spare change left over from our initial shirt order. There was some amusing moments as some of the shorter team members complained that the bibs resembled "one-piece" dresses. Several rather amusing, if slightly cruel, comments were made that shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent.

Deh started the brighter and the midfield was especially dominant in the opening 20 minutes. only one goal was scored, by the "old man" of the team, Jaime. Using his honed panther like pounce he intercepted a lazy cross penalty box pass, controlled the ball with his left foot held off the defender and with one swing of the right boot (mishit) the ball into the back of the net from 25 yards. The keeper was out of position, but still I would like to believe that the accuracy of the placement of the shot would still have beaten him from any angle.

A good start and personally it is nice to open your account early in a new season, especially as a striker. Some of the younger players (maybe more in disbelief) were impressed by Jaime's link play and Deh had chances to settle the game with a second, including a beautiful 12 pass move than resulted in the shot just glancing the outside of the post and wouldn't have looked out of place in team wearing gold and green shirts (not Australia!)

Jaime was quite happy to substitute himself at HT for more younger legs, in total Deh brought 14 players and with the heat and ageing legs a HT blow was happily accommodating, like a Parisian brothel in the first Summer of Love (1900 for you uneducated out there).

Our manageress, apart from shouting the odd encouragement and holding the team sheet didn't exert herself too much, although one promising note to tell is her willingness to give players' legs a rub down to help rejuvenate those weary limbs. I am all for encouraging that.

The 2nd half was a much closer affair than the 1st, FC 180 equalising through some sloppy defending early in the half. Spirits were not low for long as the goal seemed to act as a spur for DEH and the pressure dial was turned higher as they pushed for another goal to restore their lead. We didn't have to wait too long, a corner from the left went to the back post and a skillfully executed low header restored the lead. As expected, FC 180 pushed hard for the equaliser and in truth their 2nd half performance deserved more reward. The last 5 minutes was back to the walls stuff, but Deh held on for their first victory of the campaign. The next landmark is 8pts which should guarantee avoidance of relegation....

Another Fine Mess

Recent season have not been kind to Leeds United, they have almost successfully turned themselves into a footballing equivalent of British Leyland. I suppose I should own up from the beginning and admit that Leeds is not a club for which I have much sympathy with or for. Following the red United from Manchester, having bricks thrown at me whilst trying to gain entry to Elland Road once and having a parent who was a Leeds fanatic, meant their every setback was cheerful footnote to my match day.

Indeed their subsequent relegation from the Premiership in 2004 was the only saving grace from a woeful season for my own United. So their continued spiral towards the outer regions of the English league, economic downturn, farcical boardroom shenanigans and dodgy ownership you would have thought would have been an endless rainbow.

As inevitable relegation form the Championship became a certainty at the back end of last season, their club owner voluntarily placed them in administration, “to save the club” and they were docked 10 points and sent to League One. A strange thing then happened, the other league clubs got the hump with Leeds for their legal, if morally unpalatable, decision to enter administration. Committees were called, men with large stomachs eyed up lunch expenses, eccentric persons with blazers huffed and puffed and Leeds were docked a further 15 points, so they began the current season on -15.

Now I really don’t know the rights and wrongs of the case. I freely admit that I chuckled when the announcement was made, but here is the thing, Leeds then appealed (as was their wont). So what then happened? Yes you perceptive mind has probably nailed the rivet to the steel, nothing happened. Everything was swept under the carpet, hidden on the top shelf and suspended in time until we reach the end of season with 4 games remaining.

Only in what can be described as a lunatic decision; the appeal is just being heard. Let us put a time scale to this, Leeds were docked their points on August 4th 2007, it is now the middle of April 2008. Does it really take that long to successfully conclude an appeal? More worrisome, is that if it does – why? More troubling still, who in the game’s governing body is allowing this to happen?

There is almost a whiff of the West Ham controversy of last season, when without putting too fine a point on it, West Ham were effectively “fined” an award of twenty-five million pounds for lying and cheating.* The spark to that incident also occurred in August and the final hearing for some unexplained reason waited until April before deciding any points penalty would be unfair on their clubs. Thank god these lawyers weren’t at Nuremburg!

Whether Leeds are guilty for infringing on League rules is not really the issue, but delaying the final decision until just before the conclusion of the season is unfair on Leeds and the other clubs in that division. If Leeds is given any of their points back, then the whole nature of the table changes, in some permutations dramatically so. How can that possibly be right or fair? Common sense alone would seem to suggest that it wouldn’t be the case, but then again as we are dealing with football administration perhaps we shouldn’t be too surprised at the shambles that is just around the corner. It is once more a powerful damning of how the game is inadequately run in England.

Leeds’ current plight is somewhat self-inflicted due to their economic ineptitude at the start of the 2000s. They gambled with their futures and it all came horribly unstuck, which led to player fire-sales, relegations and laughter all abound by their rivals. By the end of 2007 season their plight was so perilous they had twice been bought by Ken Bates. Supporters must have thought things could not get any worse!

Yet there must be sympathy with their fans (this really is not a phrase I ever thought I would utter) because they have been tossed around like limp lettuce leaf in salad bowl. As usual when those in power in England involve themselves in the running of the game, the fans are the ones who always suffer. Whatever the results of the appeal are, the decisions should have been made many months before so fans of Leeds and other clubs could get to grips with the outcome long before the season is almost finished. Sadly that would have been too blindingly obvious and easy for English football to understand.

*West Ham were fined five million pounds for their contravening of Premier League rules. Yet because they stayed in the division they are annually awarded thirty million pounds as a basic sum from television revenue. When adding higher income rates from sponsorship, no wonder West Ham thought they had got a result. The only fair outcome would have been to have had points deducted, but then "blindingly obvious" is nothing but an oxymoron to the Premier League.

The Season is Over!

This new modern technology is indeed a mysterious wonder. Our final game of the season has been played...even though the kick of date was scheduled for May 5th, or next month. Apparently a thrilling 0-0 draw did not truly reflect the game that was brimming with off-side goals, red cards, missed penalties, nubile cheerleaders and even a streaker. What a way to sign off the season that ended with DEH FC finishing in a respectable 8th position, a huge improvement on last season in both points and performances. Our final season's tale of the tape is as follows:

2007-08

1: 茶・茶 10 8 0 2 38 10 24

8: DEH FC 10 2 4 4 13 15 10
11: FC Dynamo 10 1 8 1 13 47 4

*Really 8 as we had two phantom 0-0 draws....

All-English Final - Sweet F.A

Yesterday was the first night of the quarter-finals of the European Cup, or as it is now rebranded the Champions League. Even though, the old name seems to encapsulate the reality of the participants better than the new one. However that is a different path and the purpose of this posting is once more to hammer on the bolted door of the F.A.’s insane reasoning. Last night 3 English teams played, and can you guess how many players participated? Go on, it’s easy take 60 (4x15 names on the team sheet) and then subtract 8 because that is the sum total of English involvement, eight from sixty! Further add on the number of English coaches involved in this years’ competition - zero, and no wonder we didn’t qualify for Euro 2008.

There were seven Turks from only one Turkish team - half the night’s squad, eight from France even though there are no French sides left – five from Arsenal alone, or a third of their players and once more even though the only Spanish team plays tonight, there was still four players that can don the red national jersey.

It is a ludicrous situation that England continues to not grasp. The F.A. outs more into winning the right to host the world cup than grooming the players to actually win one! Wembley stadium accepts plaudits for its design, but not location, whilst the proposed English National School of Excellence remains nothing more than a fantasy on paper.

We are turning into Scotland, a third-rate international nation who are happy to accept qualification as the limit of their ambition, albeit that at the moment that is even beyond England. England have systematically failed, since well forever, so surely, even the most money-driven myopic Premier League accountant and smug big four fan must get that the current status does nothing for the advancement of the game. To continue to beat the drum about the genius of Arsene Wenger at Arsenal, or the Champions League knack of Rafa Benetiz only helps to further drown what’s left of the national team. When a manager of an English team has more Ivoirians playing than English, something is rotten.

The top teams argue that they have to purchase from abroad because the skills are lacking amongst young English players, really? Well that is not helped when the big clubs recruit 16 year olds from just about anywhere, to join their academies. Combined with the laughable leadership from the Premier League (who continue to allow patently dangerous purchases by suspect businessmen, politicians and arms-dealers) and the ineptitude of the F.A. to control its out of control offspring, no wonder we have reached the nadir of not having two decent English strikers.

What seems to be forgotten in all of the back-slapping of a possible all English Champions League final, is viewing figures for big European nights or indeed league games are time and again thumped by numbers watching England struggle in European / World Championships. Doesn’t that give the game away the F.A.? More people regularly watch an uncompetitive England than excellent domestic teams, what does that indicate? Go on, it really is an easy answer…but please let’s get away from this notion of an all-English final, because it isn’t and until changes, real changes not cosmetic ones, are made an all-English final is nothing but a grossly mis-leading advertisement.

A few Summer Snaps

Whilst transferring a few photos from a memory card I stumbled on these photos that were taken at my flat whilst Neil was visiting last summer. If my memory serves me well, we had earlier been gorging ourselves at the Fukuya Beer Garden. To be honest not a lot of the night's activities can be recalled, although how Tim's attire could have been dislodged from one's mind is something that probably shouldn't be dwelt on for too long...

Neil (and Ray in the background!) This photo was taken at Jong-topia, our occasional mahjong parlour.

Also at Jong-topia, when a couple of newbies stopped by for a night's mahjong practice. Ray and Noda oversee interjecting with their sage-like thoughts.

From left to right: Ray, Neil & Kenyon. I seem to remember Ray taking a tanking, Kenyon huffing and puffing, me treading water and Neil running away with it...but I could be wrong...

A dedicated follower of fashion...notice even though totally gonked out, Tim steadfastly holds his half-can of beer upright! Not a drop was spilt...

The NEW DEH FC Shirt 2008-2009

It is here folks! After years of tight, minute negotiations next season(s) kit has arrived from the secret underground lair in rural Devon. First impressions are that it is very, very lightweight due to a) the ultra expensive Adidas climate control unicorn skin or b) it being a bit cheap. However, if the shirt holds together those humid Hiroshima summers will be a bit easier for those of us who are older and not quite in Olympian condition.

Anyway, Ladies, Gentlemen, Leeds & Stoke fans, without further protestation, here is the NEW kit....

DEH March News

Football Kit Saga

Towards the end of 2006 I started to swirl the idea around that our beloved little football team needed a new kit. It was becoming somewhat embarrassing (not to mention looking like we were auditioning for parts in Oliver Twist) as our band of players were turning up in shirts that were vaguely blue, that we needed to be kitted out anew. So, I decided to check out different options and prices and discover exactly what were facing.

Now the Internet was designed purposely for this adventure. Thousands of pages dedicated to an endless plethora of options, colours, designs, patterns, material and of course the crux – prices. I eventually came down to a couple of options, one with a Greek Goddess as its name, the other a hybrid of the founders’ name. I sent options to trusted sages (well Dan and Dave) and in consultation with the skipper (my old student Daisuke) we decided on 3 options.

As the total price was edging towards £300 including coloruful numbering, a shiny new badge and sponsorship branding, a decision was reached to tap up our team’s founder and benefactor. After originally agreeing to cough up, he cried off a week later mumbling something about having money only to pay the teachers at his school. Now, obviously any balanced person would conclude that the football team, the representatives, nay shining beacon of the school should take priority. But there you have it, that’s the sad state of the world.

Thus the idea was benched and we plodded on into the new 2007-08 campaign continuing to resemble a ragtag bunch of outfits than even a Vivienne Westwood model would thumb her nose at.

As we started to exit 2007 I once again floated the idea that buying a new kit would, perhaps help us bond a little better as a team. It is difficult as most of the team are young, overworked, heavily hung-over Hiroshima Univ. medical students, which means we tend to see them only at games or my wedding party – and even then not so much as there were young ladies awaiting their smooth charm. (It seemed to work as well as by all accounts the team actually now has supporters!)

I proposed a splitting of the final fee, if the 3 (ever so slightly richer) gaijins would stump up ￥30k, could they rustle up the remaining. This was agreed I went forth to locate a kit that a) would be reasonable in summer and b) not more than about ￥2k per shirt. This I managed to do without too much time spent and then out of the blue our team benefactor contacted me willing to pay 50% of the final total if we emblazoned the schools’ name on our breasts. Obviously this was agreed to, I mean DEH isn’t that bad, does anyone remember Crystal Palace circa late 1980s..?

So the long saga was nearly complete and our order was sent in to a company located in Devon, south east England. As price and the coulour blue (the chairman’s order) were binding details, the £30 (basic) ultra cool, ultra breathable space-aged clima-cool something or other was out of the window. As Dan didn’t want a round neck our choice was reduced further. We settled on the Adidas Tabela footbal shirt £9 a pop plus numbering, (new) badge and sponsorship.

As the declining yen and pound had suddenly lifted 15% off the price I found myself with a little extra cash so I purchased an “away” shirt as blue tends to be a popular choice.

So, sometime this week the new DEH 2008-09 shirt should be arriving to be debuted as the tradition seems to go these days, in our last game of the 2007-08 season, which confusingly occurs in May, which is after the opening games of the 2008-09 season.

A little side to this elongated tale is on our way down to Fukuoka last week with the missus I was telling the dear beloved the ins and outs of purchasing said kit (she was riveted to her seat), I casually joked that I should have just asked the old father-in-law for sponsorship infusion. As I chuckled she replied casually, “That’s a good idea, if you put the name of his museum on the front he would have given you about ￥100k. Several expletives were uttered at this point.

Ghostly Draws

We had 1 game scheduled for March, a nice local ground in Inokuchi at a reasonable evening KO time. Due to rain preventing play the game was cancelled and as I perused the league’s webpage the next week to find out the re-scheduled appointment I was surprised to learn that despite nobody turning up the game ended 0-0. We should not turn up for a few more games, we would then rest assuredly in mid-table all season long!

As it is, a respectable 8th place is where we currently lie with one game remaining and to be honest, win lose or draw, 8th place is where we will finish, unless we win by 7 clear goals. So as I said, 8th place we will remain.

The Mummy Retires...Maybe.

Dan, the 3nd oldest member of our erstwhile team is pondering retirement as the old body is no longer held together with miles of bandages as it once was. Shy of his 40th year, it sadly seems he won’t be following Dave into his 5th decade of playing football. He is attempting to line up once more, if nothing more than to model the new kit for our game in May. But maybe he will do a Mark Twain on us yet.

The New “Away” shirt – handy for those Hiroshima summers.　(OK, OK it's a bib! But still...)

A Trip Down South

For some time now my friend Neil, (translator extraordinaire, MJ player, surfer and travelling Wilbury) has been issuing invitations for visits to his various homes that have been scattered across Japan. With the missus being off for a week and dropping liberal unsubtle hints about “enjoying some downtime” (US TV for you!), I decided that some R&R with a mate down in Kyushu would be very good timing…

So I headed down on a Wednesday for a 5 hour 30 min journey from Hiroshima to Miyazaki. The only downside, being the total lack of service on the last leg of the journey, resulting in 3 hrs longing for any kind of snack. If only someone could have let me know.

It was great to hang out with Neil as when he came up for my wedding as I hardly saw him and he doesn’t often venture north to Hiroshima (Rumours abound as to why). Sadly no waves of any statue existed for us to do much damage to the sea, our bodies or pride.

So with no waves to surf we filled in the days (and nights) with a spot of sight-seeing, watching some classic British movies, eating the local fried chicken, going to shrines and temples (and in only

4 attempts at throwing small stones into a spiritual rock pool below!) trekking on (tiny) sub-tropical islands, blackening food on the BBQ, failing at attempts to make a tasteful mojito, experiencing the night life of Miyazaki, walking across the longest pedestrian suspension bridge and of course imbibing the odd beer or two.

My thanks to Neil for putting me up with me and driving around Miyazaki! Next time hopefully we will actually get in to surf!

Udo-Jingu Shrine and some "wild" horses...munching on a snack

Not a lot of surf and a Tardis letter box - Miyazaki style...

Neil looking for shells on the Giants backbone and the view from Neil's deck

The Longest Suspension bridge in the world...allegedly: Aya Teruha Bridge

A Bit of Pre-Wedding Golf Including Some Great Shots

Before the little happening of my wedding, a welcome return to the golf course was also combined with a visit from a friend from England and the first ever 18 holes for a new member of the golfing fraternity.

It was a rather chilly, snow flecked Thursday when the four-ball party started their round, consisting of my friend Tim from Barnsley, David, my 12 year old nephew Flynn and myself. Flynn was playing his first 18 holes with a set of ladies clubs that were about 3 sizes too large for him. That did not prevent him from easily playing the 3 best shots of the entire day!

Flynn started with a real peach of chip from just off the 8th green. It was best summed up by Tim, who told Flynn that most golfers wait years rather than just over 2 hours before pulling that shot off. 50 feet, a tricky downhill green and Flynn put just the right amount of power for the ball to caress the flag before plopping in.

The second and third shots were both on the same hole, and words really do not do justice to how brilliantly Flynn played the hole. The 13th is a short 167 yard hole with a nasty pond nestling to the left and encroaching horribly on a third of the green. My ball was over hit, saved from a trek through the cops by slumping into the back bunker. Tim’s was also over-hit, but less so leaving a speedy downhill chip and run. Dave’s ball went MIA. So that left only Flynn…

As Flynn’s club made contact with ball, the three “experienced” golfers all quickly looked to the pond waiting to hear the depressing plonk of a drowned ball. We looked…and we couldn’t see anything. Ahh the ball must have joined Dave’s in the Viet-Cong wilderness. I turned to offer some consoling advice and also to inquire where his ball had ended up. With a look of complete calm I was informed that his ball was in fact at that very moment resting rather snuggly on the bottom of the green. Flynn had hit a grass-cutter 145 odd yards sending his ball through a 2 metre gap between pond on one-side and snow covered excavation on the other.

Amazing! But that was not the end of his brilliance; he then played a 35 feet put, uphill and against the wind to within 3 feet of the hole. His very first par was achieved a few minutes later and after playing only 13 holes of his inaugural round. Jaime bogeyed and Dave hit something just shy of double digits.

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For the remaining of the round Flynn’s attention was fixed on finishing ahead of Dave, which he duly did and it was probably the happiest 132 anybody has ever hit.

A 6 Month Hiatus

Well, there are a number of excuses I could provide for not keeping this blog up-to-date; marriage, writing a book, a computer crash, the depression of watching any English national team….but in truth laziness is the only valid excuse. So, from now on I will attempt to keep this blog looking less like an unwanted bizarre Christmas present and more like a beloved family heirloom. Hopefully.